The moment has arrived when I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never be the “cool mom,” and honestly, I’m perfectly fine with that.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane for a second. Recall those times when your mother did something classically “mom-like” that left you mortified. You probably swore to yourself in your teenage haze, “When I’m a mom, I’ll never embarrass my kids like that!” Yet, here we are, and somehow, we’ve become the embarrassing parents.
Being my daughter’s “#bestie” is not on my list of life goals. I feel strongly about this. My own mother was never my best friend. I certainly didn’t rush home to discuss my first kiss at age 15 with her, and I’m sure she appreciated that. What mother wants to hear that her daughter is locking lips with some lanky boy? I can only imagine my reaction: “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOU’LL GET INCURABLE MOUTH DISEASES!” Not quite the response she’d hope for? Good thing I have time to refine my approach.
I was one of the last in my circle to experience that first kiss, a classic late bloomer. But now, as a mother, 15 seems far too young. Friends who are teachers have told me that by 6th grade, kids are engaging in behaviors that no mother wants to contemplate. Twelve-year-olds, for crying out loud!
This thought churns my stomach. It makes me want to invest in a blowtorch for when the neighborhood boys start showing interest in my daughter. “Berkley, want to come over and ride bikes?” “BACK OFF, JIMMY! Or you’ll get scorched.” I’m sure my husband would support this purchase wholeheartedly.
At 12, I was blissfully unaware of such things. Today’s kids are exposed to a shocking amount of maturity far too soon, and it’s heartbreaking. That’s why I can’t adopt the “cool mom” persona like Amy Poehler’s character in Mean Girls.
I refuse to be the mom who ignores inappropriate texts found in my daughter’s pockets or phone. Rest assured, I’ll be monitoring her messages regularly. There will be no closed-door policy for her and her boyfriend, and I will not be the parent who condones underage drinking at home because “at least they’re safe.” Likewise, sleepovers with boyfriends, even exemplary ones, are a hard pass for me. And as for outfits resembling something from Moulin Rouge, I’ll make sure she understands the importance of modesty.
Do I sound like a “Hover Mom”? For those unfamiliar, Urban Dictionary describes a Hover Mom as an overly protective figure who believes their child is perpetually in peril. Such moms often face ridicule for being overly cautious.
Let’s clarify a few things: I don’t think my children are in constant danger, and I absolutely plan on enjoying date nights away from them with a trusted babysitter. The stigma attached to moms who closely supervise their children or enforce strict rules is frustrating. I proudly admit that I hover over my kids sometimes. Isn’t that part of our job as parents?
Of course, I recognize the need for balance. I don’t intend to invade their privacy entirely or refuse them the chance to build trust as they mature. Children need room to make decisions and learn from their mistakes; it’s crucial for their growth. My aim is not to be the villain in my daughter’s life, but rather a source of love and respect, guiding her through the tumultuous teenage years.
One day, I aspire to become one of my daughter’s closest friends, just as my relationship with my mother has evolved since I got married. While she’ll always be my mom, she’s also one of my best friends, providing a sense of security that every woman should have.
But for now, while my daughter is still innocent and unaware of the world’s complexities, I’m not her best friend. I’m her mother.
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In summary, while the notion of being a “cool mom” appeals to some, many mothers find fulfillment in their role of guiding and protecting their children. The transition from being a parent to a friend is a journey best saved for when the children are older and more equipped to handle adult conversations.