Updated: May 12, 2023
Originally Published: Jan. 16, 2023
They were exhausted. I might have pushed them a bit too far, straddling the fine line between tiring them out for sleep and completely overwhelming them. With too many long outings, the holiday excitement, and my youngest’s recent 4th birthday, they had reached their limit. The joy of having a week off at home turned into a chaotic mix of indulgence. Without the usual nursery runs or work commitments, I found myself giving in more often.
In any case, they were thoroughly worn out. Instead of being their safe haven, the nurturing presence they needed, I became irritable and strict. Small things, like their reluctance to put on their coats or spilling their meals in playful antics, pushed me over the edge. My reactions were disproportionate; my voice was raised too often, and my words were sharper than they should have been for trivial mistakes.
I watched them dissolve into meltdowns over minor issues, and rather than comforting them, I felt frustration boil within me. I was annoyed by their exhaustion, their silliness, and the little things that shouldn’t have bothered me. They are just kids, after all. I snapped, complained, and allowed my irritation to surface. When bedtime came, I tucked them in early, hoping they’d drift off soon. As they slept, I gently adjusted their blankets and kissed their soft cheeks goodnight.
Once downstairs, I poured myself a gin and recognized that I hadn’t been my best self. I hadn’t shown the kindness or fairness my children deserved. They needed my gentleness, but instead, I had failed them that day. It wasn’t a proud moment in my parenting journey, yet I didn’t dwell on it.
Years of experience have taught me that it’s perfectly normal to have a day where maintaining composure is just too much. Sometimes it’s acceptable to feel overwhelmed when a toddler spills milk during playtime. It’s alright to feel irritation when you have to help them get dressed for the umpteenth time, especially when you’re already running late. Feeling frustrated that another meal ended up in the garbage or that they refuse to hold your hand while crossing the road is human.
Because, at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best as parents. We aim to be the ones with all the comforting kisses, who can withstand stepping on a Lego without a curse, and who manage to tidy up the toys nightly. We strive to offer smiles when they come to us in tears, to answer their endless “why” questions, and to always be punctual, regardless of the mood in the house. We’re just trying to cherish every moment we have with them, especially when we’re not at work.
I refuse to feel guilty anymore for not being perfect every single day. I’m not apologizing or regretting my shortcomings. There will be days that are tiresome, frustrating, and just plain hard. And while those days might not be what I’m proud of, they are also rare and perhaps necessary for my growth.
I wasn’t at my best. When I was tired, when they were tired, and when we all needed a break, I didn’t allow it. I pushed through. Perhaps next time, I’ll give us all a little grace. But if I don’t, it’s simply because we’re so accustomed to the hustle that slowing down feels foreign.
Most of the time, I am their rock. Yet, it’s okay to admit that I can’t be that for them all the time. I wasn’t my best, but the day is over, and we are all alright.
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Summary:
Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s natural to occasionally lose your patience. Acknowledging our imperfections is part of the journey. Embracing those tough days can lead to growth, and it’s important to remember that we’re all doing our best.