Can you do self-insemination at home ?
Let me be honest: I swear. A lot. “Fuck” is one of my all-time favorite words. It captures everything—happiness, frustration, sadness—it’s almost always fitting. “Shit”? Love it. “Goddamn”? A classic. “Asshole”? Well, that’s practically a term of endearment in my house. I’m an adult, and I’m free to express myself however I choose, and frankly, I don’t care what anyone thinks about it.
Most mornings start off pretty casually: “Oh, crap! We need to get moving or we’ll be late.” I might even add, “Don’t forget that water bottle!” I try to keep the profanity to a minimum at the start of the day, so the kids can kick things off positively. But as soon as my little angels are out of the car, my true self emerges, and let’s just say she’s not shy about her language.
I consider myself a great driver. I know all the rules and regulations, but unfortunately, not everyone else does. I feel it’s my duty to inform them. I steer clear of rude hand gestures, though—those might provoke a reaction. Instead, I just vent my frustrations out loud. I mean, come on! Every reckless driver seems to come out when it’s pouring rain. And don’t even get me started on the “sunshine slowdown.” Honestly, those slowpokes should just hand over their keys. And if you honked at me at a red light? Seriously? It just turned green!
While “fuck” is my go-to, I have a plethora of other enjoyable swear words. “Shit” is particularly fun for its versatility: “I don’t understand this shit,” or “Clean up your shit, now.” Or my favorite, “Holy shit!” It covers so many emotions, from surprise to sadness. And yes, I can mix that with a little Catholic flair, thanks to my years of schooling—much to my mother’s pride.
Sometimes, you just feel compelled to call someone an “asshole,” right? I do. I use that word often, and my husband is well-acquainted with it. For a while, he might have thought it was his name. But let’s not get into that.
Speaking of my husband, he’s no stranger to colorful language either. If I were to keep track of the “Motherfuckers!” yelled at a computer screen, he’d be the reigning champion. I tend to lean towards “son-of-a-bitch” when dealing with technology: “This son-of-a-bitch WiFi never works in this damn house!” Doesn’t that just roll off the tongue?
There is one word I won’t utter, though. It starts with “c” and ends with three other letters. It gives me the creeps. No matter how vile someone might be, I refuse to use that term. Even in our freely expressive household, we maintain a few standards.
You might think I need a swear jar to keep my language in check around the kids, right? But do they accept debit? Because I don’t carry cash for that! My children are aware of my colorful vocabulary and understand that, in our home, it’s a “do as I say, not as I do” scenario. They know swearing is reserved for the grown-ups who can handle it responsibly.
Some days, I actually manage to dial it down. Instead of calling my husband an “asshole,” I might say he’s acting like one. Not every word I say is laced with profanity. I have plenty of nice things to say too: “I love your new haircut,” or “Your daughter is adorable.” It’s just that I like to add a little spice with a well-placed curse word now and then. Is that so wrong?
I’m not a shy, demure type who sits quietly and smiles sweetly. If that’s what you seek, keep walking. But if you’re up for some lively conversation, pull up a chair. It’s great to meet you.
For more insights on parenting and healthy attitudes, check out this related blog post. If you’re interested in the science behind home insemination, this resource is a great read. And for additional information on family-building options, visit this excellent resource.
Summary
This article discusses the author’s unapologetic approach to swearing in front of her children. While she acknowledges that profanity can be colorful and expressive, she balances it with moments of restraint and emphasizes that her kids are not quite ready for the same level of language. With humor and candor, the author reflects on the realities of parenting, the challenges of daily life, and the joy of being authentic.