Updated: November 19, 2019
Originally Published: July 19, 2018
Due to a mental health challenge that left me disoriented and incapacitated for over two years, I made the heart-wrenching yet ultimately selfless choice to relinquish custody of my children.
So, what does this mean? For a long time, I struggled with this question. Who am I if I’m not primarily their mother? Their father has taken on the role of their main caregiver and legal guardian—he’s their go-to person, and that can be a heavy burden to bear. But it was a necessary decision for all of us.
This means I miss out on bath time and those precious nightly bedtime stories. I’m not there to select their outfits each day or to hear the first-hand accounts of their newest adventures. I wasn’t present for my daughter’s milestone of using the toilet for the first time like a “big girl,” nor did I witness my son’s exploration of our faith. I don’t get to celebrate every holiday with them either.
Yet, when I reflect on the joys of motherhood, they remain intact. I still receive those warm, tight hugs and hear the sweet “I love yous.” The laughter and playtime continue, along with cookie-baking sessions and song-singing moments. I still share days at the park and fun sleepovers. I have the joy of taking my daughter to get her ears pierced, attending school assemblies, and helping with homework.
The excitement that lights up their faces when they see me and the heartfelt goodbyes when they leave are still a part of my life. And yes, I even welcome the inevitable temper tantrums. I choose to focus on what I do have rather than what I lack, cherishing every moment we share. I look forward to their future with hope and excitement.
Motherhood is still a unique experience, and now, every second I spend with them feels sacred. What I do have is more valuable and deeply appreciated. They get to see me at my best, in the healthiest version of myself.
Not having custody of my children—what does that signify? It means as much as I choose to let it mean. And it signifies that every single moment is to be treasured.
I get to define what being a mother means to my children, and that definition is everything.
If you’re considering options for parenthood, check out our guide on home insemination kits for helpful insights. Also, for those nursing, it’s crucial to understand your options; learn more about medications and breastfeeding. If you’re looking for support, visit this resource on female infertility for further assistance.
In summary, not having custody of my children is a complex experience that reshapes my identity as a mother. It offers moments to be cherished while also allowing for personal growth and healing.