People often enjoy discussing bucket lists—those personal collections of experiences they wish to achieve before they “kick the bucket.” I, too, have entertained the idea of my own grand aspirations for this unique and fleeting life, as Mary Oliver so beautifully puts it. However, my perspective on the bucket list has shifted recently, and it’s no longer a fit for me. Instead, I’ve opted for a list of things I refuse to regret.
This may sound a bit gloomy, and some might argue that having “no regrets” is, in fact, a bucket list item. But allow me to clarify the distinction.
We all understand the traditional bucket list: it often includes aspirations like “visit the Grand Canyon” or “go skydiving.” But how often do we actually check those items off? Do they linger on our mental to-do lists, taunting us as time slips by? And when we do accomplish them, do we really feel a deep sense of fulfillment? Perhaps sometimes, but not always.
The issue, as I perceive it, lies in our misunderstanding of bucket lists. Lori Gottlieb once wrote in her memoir, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,” that we compile bucket lists not to stave off regret, but to fend off the reality of death. This perspective resonated with me. We often fill our lists with thrilling experiences, hoping they will infuse our lives with meaning—regardless of whether we ever pursue them.
The more extensive our bucket lists become, the more we fool ourselves into believing we have ample time left to achieve everything on them. Paring down the list, however, forces us to confront the stark truth that life is finite.
I prefer not to spend my life compiling a list of dreams that may never come to fruition. Instead, I want to engage in pursuits that truly matter—to myself and to others. This is why I’ve turned my attention to a regret list. Instead of pondering, “What do I want to do before I pass away?” I’m now asking, “What will I regret not doing while I’m alive?”
For example, while I might wish to visit places like Iceland, Thailand, or Russia, I doubt I would genuinely regret missing out on them. What I would regret, however, is not spending quality time with family, traveling where it counts, or making a positive impact in a child’s life. Those are the moments that truly matter.
This is not to dismiss the idea of bucket lists entirely; in fact, if left unchecked, my bucket list would be extensive, filled with all the adventures I long to experience in this one wild and precious life. However, the overwhelming nature of such a list could lead to paralysis, making it difficult to pursue anything at all.
Therefore, I’ve embraced a list of no regrets. I refuse to hide behind a collection of hopeful aspirations; I am determined to engage in meaningful activities. By contemplating potential regrets—morbid or not—I find clarity on what truly matters to me.
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In summary, instead of a bucket list filled with unattainable dreams, I focus on what I refuse to regret. By realigning my priorities to what truly matters, I find fulfillment in my choices and experiences.