In a world overflowing with glowing testimonials about motherhood, it can be overwhelming. One only has to browse through social media or tune into a few TV shows to come across phrases like, “Being a mom fills my life with endless joy!” or “You are my everything, and being your mother is my greatest gift!” Such sentiments can leave you feeling isolated if your experience diverges from the idealized version of motherhood, as it did for me.
The truth is, I don’t love being a mom.
Growing up, I always envisioned myself as a mother. I adored children, spending countless hours babysitting, teaching swim lessons, and engaging in endless playtime as a camp counselor. I even contemplated whether my passion for kids warranted a reconsideration of my career path as a physician, pondering if I should become a stay-at-home mom instead. The idea of having kids seemed like a natural progression in my life.
However, once my daughter was born, I was confronted with a stark realization: motherhood didn’t inspire me the way I thought it would. Instead, I often found it tedious, frustrating, and repetitive. Preparing meals, cleaning up spills, and the endless cycle of laundry and whining felt like they consumed my days. I waited, hoping to experience that rush of joy and fulfillment that others spoke of, but it never came. Even as my daughter grew and my postpartum depression lifted, I still didn’t feel that spark of excitement or connection.
Despite my daughter being a wonderful child—filled with energy, humor, and love—my feelings about motherhood remained unchanged. I engage in activities with her: we play games, read books, and enjoy family outings. She fills my life with laughter and affection, and I love her deeply. Yet, the prospect of having more children seems daunting. Watching friends welcome their second or third child doesn’t stir a longing within me; rather, it evokes feelings of panic. My daughter demands all my energy, and I simply don’t have any left to give.
I’m learning to accept that I might never be the mom who wants to homeschool her child or keep her home on days off instead of sending her to daycare. This is my reality, and it’s okay. I thrive on my work as a physician, and as an introvert, I need my quiet time to recharge. I crave moments of solitude away from the constant inquiries of a curious toddler. Perhaps as my daughter matures, my appreciation for motherhood will grow, or maybe it won’t.
It’s a challenge to voice dissatisfaction with motherhood, making it hard to find others who share similar feelings. If you are a mom who doesn’t love every moment, know that you’re not alone. The next time you hear others proclaiming the joys of parenthood, remember that not every mother feels that way, and it doesn’t diminish the love you have for your child.
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Summary:
Motherhood isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. Some women may find joy and fulfillment in their roles as mothers, while others, like me, may struggle with feelings of frustration and boredom. It’s essential to recognize that differing experiences are valid, and loving your child doesn’t require you to love every aspect of parenting.