As a parent, I’ve never understood the rationale behind telling children to remain virgins until marriage. First and foremost, our children’s bodies are their own; their virginity is a personal matter that they should have the autonomy to decide when to share. Expecting them to adhere to a strict rule about their sexuality is not only unrealistic, it’s also quite selfish. If they choose to engage in premarital sex, they should feel free to explore that decision without shame or secrecy.
Imposing abstinence can actually hinder communication between parents and children. They may still act on their desires but will be much less likely to talk about it openly, which is not the approach I prefer. I value transparency and honest dialogue over attempts to control their choices.
Moreover, it often seems hypocritical for parents who enjoyed their own sexual experiences before marriage to impose such restrictions on their children. If you waited until marriage, great—share your reasons, but don’t expect your kids to follow the same path simply because it worked for you.
I recall telling my mom in my early teens that I would wait to have sex until marriage. She praised my decision but didn’t make a huge deal about it. A couple of years later, I realized my commitment was driven more by a crush on a pop star than a genuine belief. By the time I was 20, I lost my virginity to someone I liked but definitely wasn’t in love with.
When I became pregnant with my son, I was in a committed relationship, but we weren’t engaged or married. My parents, who adopted a realistic view of sexuality, never pressured me to abstain, which led me to explore the arguments in favor of celibacy until marriage. Unsurprisingly, most of the information I found was rooted in religious beliefs.
One particular site, Aleteia.org, caught my attention with claims that waiting until marriage fosters better communication in dating and reduces the risk of relationship abuse. This perspective suggests that sexual activity somehow diminishes a person’s ability to communicate effectively. Yet, I recognize that not all religious parents share this viewpoint.
Currently, my son is just 3, so discussions about sex are still in the future. However, time flies, and soon I want to ensure he understands that sex is a normal, healthy part of life. I want him to feel comfortable discussing it with me, knowing that it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s crucial that he understands consent and safety, including the importance of using protection.
Statistics show that around 70% of young people will have sexual experiences before they turn 19. I’m not promoting teenage sex, but I recognize that it happens, and I want my son to have a safe space to talk about it. I want him to think critically about sex and ensure that he feels supported in making informed decisions.
As a parent, my primary goal is to teach him about safety and respect in relationships. I trust that I’m raising a responsible young man who can make his own choices. By imposing strict limits, we inadvertently make sex seem forbidden and more enticing, which is not the message I want to send.
In summary, I aim to create an open, supportive environment for my son to discuss sexuality as he grows. I hope that he will come to me with questions rather than seeking answers from peers or unreliable sources online. Resources like this blog post on home insemination kits and this authority on fertility can assist parents in navigating these important discussions, as can this excellent resource on pregnancy.