As I chatted with another mom at the skating rink, she enthusiastically suggested we arrange a playdate for our daughters. “Let’s get our girls together!” she exclaimed, asking for my cell number. But deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be dropping my daughter off at her house.
I’ve earned the reputation of being “that” mom—the overly cautious one. People often tell me to “let kids be kids,” but I wear that label with pride. I’m protective of my children. Growing up, my own mom was similar. I didn’t attend a slumber party until I was in middle school, after she had met my friend’s parents. My outings to the mall or movies didn’t happen until high school. While my peers were dating in sixth grade, my parents set a rule that I wouldn’t date until I was a sophomore, with strict guidelines in place.
At the time, I felt furious. I thought my parents were the most uncool people on the planet. While everyone else seemed to be having fun, I was left behind, slamming my door and listening to my Boys II Men album, pouring my frustrations into my diary.
With time, I came to understand that my parents’ strictness was their way of ensuring my safety and well-being. They weren’t hovering; they were allowing me to mature enough to make sound choices, including recognizing when to seek help in challenging situations.
This protective instinct kicked in early. I still remember my first slumber party invite in third grade, which my parents declined. I was devastated, imagining my friends enjoying Beauty and the Beast while I was stuck at home. My parents explained that many of my friends had older siblings or adults in their lives who might not be safe. They taught me that it’s better to be “safe than sorry.”
Now, as a mom, I appreciate those decisions. I’ve seen friends whose parents granted them too much independence too soon, leading to poor choices and unfortunate experiences because they were in unsafe situations.
Recently, when my daughter asked to have a friend over for a Friday night, I reached out to the girl’s mother via social media. She quickly responded, confirming her daughter could visit. I pictured us bonding over wine while the girls played. However, when the mom arrived, she introduced herself and informed me that she was heading out to dinner, leaving her daughter with me for two hours.
She didn’t step inside my house beyond the welcome mat. There was no inquiry about our household’s safety measures, no concern about my daughter’s well-being. She simply left, trusting that a cell phone was sufficient for peace of mind.
Though the girls enjoyed each other’s company, I was left uneasy. I worried about the older siblings in that household and whether they might expose my daughter to inappropriate content. I thought about safety issues like guns, drugs, and even sexual assault. These are real concerns; preventable incidents happen every day.
As a parent, my primary responsibility is to protect my children. I’ve decided that if my daughter wants to hang out with a friend, I will take the time to meet the parents and get a feel for the situation. If I’m comfortable, I might consider a playdate at their home after some conversations. But I’m not dropping my child off without knowing more than just names and phone numbers.
Building trust takes time. I want my kids to learn the importance of being cautious and listening to their instincts. I know this approach might be unpopular, but I’d rather they be momentarily annoyed with me than face long-lasting trauma from a preventable incident.
I’m aware I won’t always make perfect decisions, and I might be overly protective at times. But I’m content to err on the side of caution.
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In summary, I choose to be cautious about my child’s playdates and social interactions. While some may see this as overprotective, I believe it is crucial to prioritize safety and trust-building with new acquaintances.