From the moment my son turned six, he was already dreaming about his seventh birthday. In our household, birthdays hold a special significance—much like they did when I was a child. We craft homemade decorations, bake a cake of the birthday kid’s choice, wrap gifts in personalized paper, and blast Stevie Wonder’s iconic birthday tune.
However, when it comes to parties, my feelings are mixed. I’ve been that mom who pours her heart and soul into orchestrating a themed extravaganza. Fellow parents understand that planning a party is no small feat—it’s practically a second job. You need to secure a venue or, alternatively, spend hours tidying up your home weeks in advance. Then comes the task of sending out invitations, preparing an allergy-friendly menu, and hunting for games online.
Next, there’s the pressure of ordering themed decorations and supplies that match your child’s wild ideas. Sometimes the themes can be so extravagant—like dragon-unicorns—that finding the necessary cake plates feels impossible. All this planning often leads to one of the biggest headaches: RSVPs. Just a reminder—RSVP means répondez s’il vous plait. You really need to know whether your guests will attend. If you’ve thrown a party before, you know that many people will neglect to RSVP, and those who do may change their minds at the last moment.
Then there are those heartbreaking stories of kids who end up with no guests at their party. Additionally, there are parents who don’t just drop off their child but also bring along siblings or cousins while they dash off for errands. Thanks a lot! This often means you’re left with either way too much food or not enough and end up playing babysitter on top of it all.
I might sound like a grumpy old lady, but it seems like common courtesy has gone out the window when it comes to children’s birthday parties. Many parents are inconsiderate or simply unaware of how to properly handle party etiquette, and it’s the birthday child who suffers the most. Kids build up their excitement for weeks, and nothing is worse than seeing their dreams crushed on their special day.
So, I made the decision to skip the chaotic party this year. Did I feel a twinge of guilt? A little. After all, some of his friends were having parties. When I broke the news to him, I braced myself for a negative reaction—perhaps tears or anger. But to my surprise, he simply said, “OK.” I expected a battle, but it never came.
Instead of spending a fortune on a two-hour event filled with potential disappointment, we decided on several smaller celebrations. We kicked things off with a special outing where my son and his dad went laser tagging and played arcade games the weekend before his actual birthday. The venue was a whirlwind of flashing lights and laughter, and my son was overjoyed to have his dad’s undivided attention for a solid hour of fun.
On his birthday, we enjoyed cake and opened presents. Earlier that day, his classmates serenaded him with birthday wishes while he savored a giant chocolate cupcake and a mini jug of milk. It was a relaxed celebration, and he was genuinely happy. The following weekend, his grandparents visited, bringing even more delicious food and thoughtful gifts—grandparents always know how to deliver the best presents!
Every child is different. My older daughter, for example, had her heart set on a party for her last birthday, and we went along with it. She’s mature enough to understand budgeting and planning, so she helped craft her own celebration. Plus, supervising eight tweens is a walk in the park compared to wrangling twenty rambunctious seven-year-olds hyped up on sugar.
Thankfully, my son was completely fine with not having a big party. While the idea seemed appealing, he quickly realized that the fun we had planned was far more exciting. After all, he sees his friends at school almost every day, and we spend weekends with others, so the real joy came from gifts, cake, and quality time with his dad.
There were even unexpected surprises! His best friend dropped off a new book for him, and his birth mother sent a delightful card along with some presents too. Sometimes, the spontaneous moments can be just as joyful, if not more so, than the meticulously planned ones.
This isn’t to say I’ll never host parties again. Each year, we’ll assess the situation based on the child. I’ve contemplated alternating years for parties or focusing on milestone birthdays like 13 or 16. Yet, every time I think I’ve figured out what works best, life has other plans. That’s just the reality of raising four uniquely different kids.
There’s no definitive right or wrong way to celebrate birthdays, and alternative celebrations can be just as meaningful! It’s essential for families to let go of guilt and obligations, focusing instead on creating a memorable day for the special child turning another year older.
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Summary: This year, I chose not to throw my son a birthday party, and it turned out to be a great decision. Instead, we enjoyed smaller celebrations, including quality time with family and friends. Every child is unique, and birthdays can be celebrated in various ways, without the stress of traditional parties. It’s about tailoring the experience to what makes your child happy.