“Mom, can we visit the water park for my birthday now that Covid is better?”
I wasn’t surprised by the question; my daughter had been asking it weekly for the past year. However, I was taken aback by how quickly my mind started calculating how much weight I could shed by then.
Throughout the past year, I thought I had come to terms with my body. But when faced with the thought of wearing a pre-pandemic swimsuit again, panic set in. The summer of 2020 felt like a haze. While my kids and I enjoyed outdoor activities, I was grateful I didn’t have to wear a swimsuit. Oh, the joy of full-coverage attire!
For much of the year, we focused on just everyday survival. Honestly, after years of self-criticism, I didn’t have the energy to berate myself over dessert choices or for skipping workouts. Instead of the usual winter buildup for summer bodies, we had over a year to navigate. And guess what? I didn’t make any effort to change my physique. My priority was clear: keep my little ones healthy and make it through each workday without losing my sanity. That was all that mattered.
As I rummaged through my summer wardrobe for swimsuits, I realized I’m the type of person who clings to clothes that are too small, convinced I’ll eventually fit into them. Yes, that includes the red bikini I bought from Victoria’s Secret in 2008 and have never worn.
Along with that relic, I unearthed two plunging one-pieces and a tankini with a skirt. Feelings of anxiety, embarrassment, and shame washed over me. This wasn’t how I was supposed to feel.
I had hoped these swimsuits would motivate me, but instead, they brought me to tears. They reminded me of a time when I was smaller but also when I didn’t treat my body well. I briefly questioned whether it was really that bad back then. Was I truly in pain, or was that just a narrative we’ve been fed?
After a few moments of self-pity, I decided not to try them on; I knew they wouldn’t fit. Sure, I could have squeezed into them, but what good would that do? Prioritizing my mental health and being kind to my body sometimes feels awkward, but it’s essential for my body-acceptance journey.
After tossing those swimsuits into a donation bag, I headed to Target’s website to search for replacements. This time, I focused on buying something that suited my current body rather than what I aspired to be.
How would I feel wearing it? Would it allow me to fully enjoy my activities? Would I be constantly trying to hide my softer, curvier figure, or could I focus on the wonderful memories I’d make with my daughters?
Answering these questions shifted my focus from others’ opinions to my own feelings about myself. I realize I’ve made significant progress in body acceptance, even if my initial reaction didn’t reflect that.
So, why am I sharing this? Summer is finally here, and for the first time since 2019, we can truly enjoy it. Remember: just because life is returning to normal doesn’t mean we should carry forward anxiety, embarrassment, and shame.
If this past year has taught us anything, it’s that life is precious and should not be taken for granted. Don’t wait to spend time with loved ones until you lose that extra weight. Instead, focus on how you feel in your swimsuit. Will I shed pounds before my daughter’s ninth birthday? Maybe, maybe not.
What I do know is I’m going for that strapless top and high-waisted bottoms because I want a great tan. I’ll pick a suit I love for its colors, not to pressure myself into fitting into it. I might not be as ready for a post-pandemic swimsuit season as I’d hoped, but I’m definitely ready to enjoy my summer—and I want you to do the same.
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In summary, as summer approaches, it’s essential to embrace body acceptance and prioritize how we feel over how we look. Enjoying life with loved ones should take precedence over concerns about weight or appearance.