Parenting
I didn’t stumble into motherhood. My husband and I intentionally planned for it after four years of avoiding it. We always envisioned ourselves as parents, and I had a clear image of my future self as a perfect mother. I imagined joy, laughter, wholesome meals, and tranquility. So much tranquility.
However, after a decade of motherhood, I’ve come to see that much of who I’ve become has unfolded unexpectedly. It’s not necessarily a bad surprise or a good one; it simply is what it is. I’ve become a person I sometimes cherish, sometimes fail to recognize, and occasionally feel ashamed of.
There are moments when I take pride in the mother I’ve grown into, especially when I navigate a teaching moment with my kids or resolve conflicts with grace. Yet, there are also times of introspection when I question if I’m doing enough or being enough. I realize that none of this could have been foreseen. It’s all unfolded through a beautiful, chaotic series of surprises.
I’ve evolved into a mother balancing mental health challenges while parenting. I’ve unintentionally adopted a more relaxed approach after years of hovering over my children. I’ve even become the mom who occasionally buys Lunchables, despite believing they are overpriced and unhealthy. I’ve turned into a writer who needs to express her feelings about motherhood through the written word.
I could never have anticipated the internal struggles that would accompany this role I’ve embraced for 10 years. I never envisioned becoming a work-from-home mom even when I didn’t require the additional income. Much of our journey as mothers happens by surprise, shaped by experiences that mold us into who we are meant to be.
There have been joyful experiences along the way. After welcoming my third child, I’ve finally learned to slow down and cherish observing my youngest navigate life. I find joy in the hugs from my middle child and the spontaneous laughter during family dinners. I’ve become the mom who savors these moments, moving away from the impatient mindset I once held as I rushed toward the next stage of life.
I’ve also discovered newfound passions in this role. Raising these little souls is a significant responsibility, one I take seriously. Each day, I confront guilt and work on releasing unrealistic ideals about motherhood. And I’ve grown into a mother I never imagined existed within me. And I’m proud of her.
As Anne Tyler aptly stated in her novel The Accidental Tourist, “Maybe it’s not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you’re with them.” I’ve become this person because of my relationship with my children—those little beings who challenge me daily and encourage my growth. They have multiplied my love and pushed it to expand in unimaginable ways. I am still becoming the mother I was meant to be.
Sometimes I am patient, loving, and kind, while other times I exhibit traits I’m not proud of. Yet, I wrestle through the daily challenges of motherhood, finding satisfaction in who I am becoming as their mom.
Motherhood comes with its share of pain—pain from mistakes, moments of hurt, and the need to grow in ways I resist. It’s an existence that transcends simple labels of joy or sorrow. It’s a journey that no woman can fully anticipate before experiencing it herself.
I evolve into a different kind of mother each day, all through a beautiful series of surprises. It may seem that these “accidents” hold deeper meanings, and becoming the mother I am today, and will be tomorrow, is the most beautiful surprise I could imagine.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Lila Carter shares her journey into motherhood, highlighting the contrast between her planned entry into parenthood and the unexpected experiences that followed. Over a decade, she has grown into a mother who embraces both challenges and joys, discovering her identity through her children. The article emphasizes that motherhood is an evolving journey shaped by both delightful surprises and difficult lessons, ultimately leading to a deeper understanding of love and self.