I can recall the day you were born as if it just happened, although it was actually two years ago. The memory of that second night in the hospital with you is vivid. Your father had gone home to tuck your older sibling into bed after staying as long as he could. My mom came to keep me company, sleeping on the uncomfortable faux leather couch in our room. She slept, but I didn’t—nor did you. You were a newborn, after all; who could expect you to?
As I lay there on the lumpy bed, half-reclined and half-upright, I found myself questioning my choices. Could I endure more sleepless nights? Could I manage two small children on my own when your dad returned to work? Would I be a good enough mom? At that moment, all I could think was “no.”
The reality is, it was hard. I often called your dad at work, tears streaming down my face. I was painfully aware of my flaws, both as a person and as a mother. But I didn’t make a mistake in having you.
Now that you’re 2, I understand the wisdom behind sayings like, “It won’t last forever,” and “Don’t be the first to let go when your child hugs you.” I realize that while I may not be a perfect mother, I’m the best you’ve got.
There are times I feel I don’t appreciate you enough. I don’t always relish our quiet moments together, and sometimes I find myself scrolling through my phone instead of engaging with you. But even the hardest days spent with you are my very best days.
As bedtime approaches each night, I’m often struck by waves of regret—those moments when I could have been more present or when I didn’t respond as I should have. It stings to know that these fleeting moments are adding up. I see you growing from a toddler into a little girl, and with each passing day, you need me a little less.
What’s painful is the knowledge that the times you cling to me, needing me for almost everything, are dwindling. One day, you’ll decide how much time you want to spend with me. I hope you know just how deeply I love you, despite my shortcomings.
I remember the day I became your mom as if it were yesterday, but it was two years ago. Before long, it will be 20 years, and those memories will fade. I’ll be that older, wiser mother who warns new moms about how quickly time flies. I will cherish the memories of your babyhood tightly, rather than focusing on your tiny hand.
Being your mother is the most challenging and rewarding role I’ve ever embraced. Each day, you remind me that I made the right choice. Every time your sparkling blue eyes meet mine, whether in laughter or defiance, I see the beautiful person you’re becoming. I may stumble along the way, but the best remedy for my flaws is you.
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In summary, being a mother is both challenging and fulfilling. It’s a journey filled with moments of doubt and joy, but ultimately, it’s one I cherish deeply.