Statistics reveal that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual assault at some point in their lives. While I once found solace in knowing that others share similar experiences, the thought now haunts me as I consider my daughter’s future. She faces a 20% chance of being victimized, and though I long to protect her indefinitely, I understand that such control is unattainable.
I could resort to teaching her avoidance strategies, filled with cautionary tales. I might say:
- Distrust everyone.
- Keep your defenses up at all times.
- Avoid dating altogether.
- Steer clear of sexual relationships.
- Never live with anyone.
- Drink only in solitude.
- Guard your personal information online, or better yet, avoid the internet entirely.
- Dress in ways that conceal your body.
- Refrain from leaving the house unaccompanied.
- Surround yourself with individuals you don’t genuinely trust, as they may protect you—or they could be threats themselves.
This might ensure her safety, but it would come at a great cost. She would be deprived of love and connection. She would miss out on the joy of a first embrace or the warmth of the sun on her skin. She would forfeit the essence of friendship, support, and vulnerability, leading a life devoid of real fulfillment.
But even with all my warnings, she could still become a victim. She might choose to embrace life, attending gatherings where she feels comfortable. A friend could betray her trust, leading to a situation where consent is not respected. She’d replay my advice in her mind, grappling with guilt, believing she was to blame for her situation. She might think, “If only I’d chosen differently,” and remain silent, burdened by shame. This could shatter her world and instill a lasting fear that would cripple her existence.
Yet, I want her to truly live.
Instead of instilling fear, I will teach her this:
Your body is yours. Consent is paramount. A clear “yes” is required, while silence signifies “no.” Trust others, but also trust yourself. Embrace vulnerability. Remember, rape is never your fault unless you are the perpetrator. Don’t become one. Live boldly. Venture outdoors. Cultivate friendships. Surround yourself with trustworthy individuals. When the time is right, enjoy socializing over drinks, explore dating, cohabitate, or embrace polyamory. Live your life.
Life indeed carries risks—be it assault, robbery, or other dangers—but should those misfortunes occur, they will not be your fault.
I can’t protect you from everything, and I’m sorry for that. However, a life worth living is inherently risky.
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Summary:
The piece reflects on the harsh reality of sexual assault statistics affecting women and the challenges of protecting daughters from potential harm. It contrasts fear-based advice with empowering messages about consent, trust, and living fully, emphasizing that while one cannot prevent all dangers, a life lived boldly is worth the risk.