When my son was little, he was anything but easygoing. Every detail had to align with his preferences, and if they didn’t, we were in for a struggle.
Even as an infant, his intensity was apparent. I recall a moment when he was just 6 months old, sitting in our front yard, passionately pulling up dandelions. When it was time to go inside, I picked him up, and he erupted into a full-blown wail—not a soft cry, but a heart-wrenching scream. His tiny fists shook in frustration as he gazed longingly at the dandelions we were leaving behind. When I set him back down, he beamed with joy, but as soon as I lifted him again, the tears returned, with angry red patches forming on his cheeks.
I never imagined a baby could feel such distress over having to stop an activity. This child had a deep connection to those dandelions; his feelings were intense.
His challenges weren’t limited to transitions. After a few months of trying solid foods, he became quite particular about what he would eat. If something didn’t meet his standards, he would shut his mouth tight and turn his head away. He was also picky about clothing—no tags and nothing itchy would suffice. Complaints about being too hot or too cold were frequent.
As a toddler and even into early elementary school, he often experienced colossal tantrums, and it was incredibly hard to help him regain his composure. It was as if he could switch from calm to a thousand in the blink of an eye if something upset him.
To be completely honest, his intensity sometimes left me feeling drained. Like many parents of spirited children, I found myself blaming my shortcomings for being unable to manage him. It felt at times as though I was dealing with a small tyrant intent on controlling every aspect of our lives.
Despite these challenges, he was also a remarkable child to raise. From an early age, he displayed intelligence and a thoughtful nature, constantly engaging with the world around him. He adored reading, crafting stories, and playing with numbers. He learned to read by age 3 and was already tackling fractions by age 4. By the time he began kindergarten, he had tested as “highly gifted.”
However, his intensity remained puzzling for me throughout much of his childhood. It was easy to label him as “stubborn” or, more positively, “strong-willed.” But as I embarked on some personal research, I stumbled upon the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, the clinical psychologist who introduced the concept of the highly sensitive person (HSP). I had always been described as “sensitive,” and as I read through the characteristics of HSPs, everything clicked into place. Suddenly, my own needs for quietness, heightened emotions, and my ability to absorb the feelings of others made sense. I wasn’t peculiar; I was part of the 20% of the population endowed with the “highly sensitive” trait.
Initially, I didn’t consider that my son might also be a highly sensitive individual. In many respects, he can be insensate—self-focused at times and not particularly introverted or shy. However, when I reviewed the checklist for highly sensitive children, it was evident that he embodied nearly every characteristic. From his sensitivity to textures and tastes to his perceptiveness and perfectionistic tendencies, it was all there.
Dr. Aron emphasizes that highly sensitive individuals are perfectly normal and that their traits are innate, yet many are misunderstood. Had I been misinterpreting my son all these years? Perhaps he wasn’t a willful, difficult child after all. Maybe he was just sensitive—a person who experiences the world with greater intensity and depth.
Had I been too harsh on him? While I did show compassion and recognized that his stubbornness was intertwined with his giftedness, I realize I often lacked the patience required. Being sensitive myself, his fierce emotions made it challenging for me to let things slide.
Now at age 10, he is blossoming into a thoughtful and mature young person. He has become significantly better at understanding and managing his intense feelings. He can recognize when he’s being unreasonable and is learning to adapt. Although he still gets upset easily and exhibits a competitive streak, the tantrums are a thing of the past (thank goodness!).
As he navigates middle childhood, it’s remarkable how deeply he contemplates various issues. At bedtime, he often shares his concerns about school, friendships, and even the broader world. He notices the subtleties in those around him, absorbing experiences and emotions deeply, often needing assistance to process them.
I feel fortunate that he sees me as a confidante—a safe person to help him sort through his thoughts. Although I sometimes regret my impatience, I know we share a strong, intimate bond. After all, we’re both highly sensitive individuals who love with all our hearts.
Like every parent, I hope the world is gentle with him. I aim to view his sensitivities as strengths, support him through challenges, and most importantly, embrace him for the extraordinary child he is. For further insights, you might find it helpful to check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, for those interested in enhancing male fertility, our post on fertility boosters for men could be beneficial, along with guidance found at Advancing Safe Techniques for Uterus Transplants.
Summary
This article shares the journey of a mother discovering that her son’s challenging behavior stems from being a highly sensitive child rather than simply being difficult. The mother’s realization leads her to understand her son’s intense emotions, sensitivities, and unique characteristics, fostering a deeper bond and appreciation for who he is.