I Apologize to My Kids — And You Should Too

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Today, my son was up at 6:00 AM, and my daughter followed at 7:00. By 9:30 AM, I found myself yelling. Hurtful words slipped from my mouth, and my oldest was in tears, upset by both the argument and my reaction. While the specifics don’t matter, I won’t excuse my poor behavior. We’re currently juggling about 18 stressors at home, and it feels like a never-ending circus. Despite the chaos, I strive to do my best every day. After a brief separation to cool off, we reconvened, and the first thing I said was, “I’m sorry.”

I took the time to apologize for my actions and my inappropriate response. Why? Because acknowledging that I was wrong is crucial for my daughter’s understanding of human fallibility. It’s vital for her to learn that even adults make mistakes and that it’s okay to express a full range of emotions. I want her to recognize the importance of accountability and to feel validated in her feelings.

As pediatrician and child care educator, Dr. Alex Morgan, notes, modeling the behavior you want from your children is essential. When you admit to a mistake, you show your kids the significance of apologizing, making it a normal part of human interaction. An authentic apology is more than just a forced “I’m sorry”; it’s a heartfelt gesture that stems from care and understanding.

Apologizing can be challenging, especially to children who are taught to respect their elders and listen to authority. Many of us grew up hearing “because I said so,” a phrase that reflects a power dynamic rather than a teaching moment. But what if we shifted that dynamic? What if we embraced our imperfections and taught our children empathy and compassion instead of commanding compliance?

When we apologize, we demonstrate humility and help our children learn to navigate their own emotions. For instance, saying, “I’m sorry I raised my voice earlier. I was overwhelmed and took it out on you; that doesn’t justify my words,” teaches them about grace and forgiveness.

Dr. Morgan emphasizes that admitting our mistakes isn’t easy; it’s often uncomfortable. Yet, overcoming this discomfort is where growth occurs. Relationships are strengthened by addressing conflicts rather than ignoring them. While it might be easier to assert control and rule with an iron fist, parenting with compassion and humility is transformative.

By leading through example and apologizing, we impart invaluable lessons to our children that extend far beyond the moment.

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In summary, taking the time to apologize to our children when we make mistakes is crucial for their emotional development. It not only teaches them about accountability but also fosters compassion and understanding. Parenting with humility and vulnerability can have a profound impact on their lives.