Updated: June 12, 2020
Originally Published: June 12, 2020
I find myself asking a simple question: how do I safely reenter the world we currently inhabit? The answer, however, is anything but simple.
As a full-time single parent to my 21-year-old son, who has a disability, my life was once filled with caregivers who came and went, enabling me to work while I managed cleaning private homes and businesses. I had finally reached a point of equilibrium, balancing my responsibilities as a mother, my job, and even nurturing a romantic life. I began to take small trips, reassured that others could care for my son in my absence. I was optimistic about the future.
Then the pandemic struck.
With businesses in my city starting to reopen, clients are eagerly inquiring about my return. Each time I think I have devised a solid plan to bring someone back into our home, I discover a flaw in my strategy. The anxiety is overwhelming. How do I even start?
Both my son and I fall into the high-risk category. Compounding this is the fact that my son is non-verbal; should he ever need hospitalization, current protocols dictate he would be alone. It’s unfathomable to think of someone who is intellectually disabled and non-verbal facing a serious virus without support.
If I were hospitalized, who would look after his needs? This was a question I struggled with before COVID-19, but now it sends me into a panic. I understand I need to find a new normal and adjust to these new realities, but the idea of returning to work with someone unfamiliar caring for my son after three months fills me with dread.
In my search for solutions, I’ve connected with other parents and caregivers, scoured Google for answers (because my life depends on it), consulted healthcare specialists, and lay awake at night contemplating how to move forward. I break it into smaller, more manageable parts but quickly feel overwhelmed, fearing the consequences of missing a step or, worse, getting sick myself.
Unless you’ve experienced the challenges of raising a child with significant needs while managing your own health concerns, it’s hard to grasp the weight of this responsibility.
Throughout my life, I have navigated numerous hardships, from food allergies to an abusive marriage, and I’ve survived deployments and serious health issues. I know I have the resilience to handle life’s challenges, even with COVID-19 looming. But, I’m utterly terrified.
Perhaps I’m just fatigued. Perhaps this is our new existence, living cautiously and relying on deliveries for our needs. But I miss human connection—hugs, laughter, conversations. I miss my daughter.
Starting anew has always been the most challenging part for me, and I realize I must take that first step. Inhale, and begin. But facing the risk of illness feels like trying to walk through a pool of molasses while carrying a backpack full of bricks.
It begins with conversations—being transparent and asking the tough questions. I think about what it would take to reintroduce a caregiver into our home: COVID-19 testing, frequent hand washing, a steady supply of gloves and masks, cleaning high-touch areas repeatedly, and starting with shorter shifts.
And then, I consider my work, stepping into other people’s homes, cleaning up after them, and returning to my own home. How can this even work?
I put down my pen and step away from the notebook, unsure of the next steps. Perhaps a walk with my son will help clear my mind. Maybe tomorrow will offer a fresh start.
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In summary, as we navigate the complexities of reopening our lives amidst ongoing health concerns, it’s crucial to take one step at a time, engage in necessary discussions, and remain vigilant about safety protocols. The journey may be daunting, but with determination, we can find a way forward.