In recognition of October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I feel the need to share my journey. It has taken years of persistent effort to find healing and liberation, and I am determined to use my experiences to help others identify abuse and find the strength to escape harmful situations.
An Open Letter to My Abuser:
Never did I think I would become a statistic because of you. I never envisioned I would become ensnared in the complicated and often misunderstood world of domestic violence. I never imagined that I would fall victim to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. I never accepted that I would wake up with you on top of me without my consent, be shoved into a busy street in New Orleans, be punched in the face, or find myself hoisted by the neck in a bathroom corner. I never expected to become pregnant by my abuser.
I didn’t foresee waking up to find you attempting to break into my roommate’s home. I never imagined sitting on a street corner with a New Orleans police officer, who would encourage me to report you. I never thought I would tolerate being dragged down a hallway while pregnant or that I would need to schedule an emergency appointment to check on our unborn child after your violent outbursts. I used to pride myself on my strong, independent spirit, yet I fell prey to a manipulator, a charming narcissist who drained the life out of me. I never thought my life would be irrevocably altered by domestic violence.
Yet, here I am. Nearly a decade later, and I am alive. I am a survivor.
The last time you harmed me, I made the choice to leave. I gathered my belongings while you were away and walked out, leaving with our child still safe inside me. My unwavering support system was waiting for me, ready to embrace me after years of isolation. They had always loved me.
That last act of violence spurred me to seek a better life for our child (and myself). One night, while sobbing in the shower, I vowed to our unborn child that they would never think such toxic and abusive behavior is normal. I promised them a life filled with love and stability. I swore to do everything possible to shield them from your abusive history.
Unfortunately, I felt I failed. But wait, I take that back.
I refuse to shoulder the blame. I have escaped your grip, and you no longer have power over me. I won’t accept guilt for your actions. You failed to protect our child from domestic violence. You physically attacked your wife (their stepmother) in front of our child. You choked her in their presence. You punched windows in your home, leaving bloody hands behind. You verbally abused her openly. You invited police into our lives because of your violence. You set a poor example of how a man should treat a woman, or how a woman deserves to be treated by a man.
You. Failed.
Despite the torment you inflicted on us, thank you. Without your abuse, I wouldn’t have discovered a strength I never knew existed. I wouldn’t have realized my self-worth. I wouldn’t have promised myself and our child that healthy, loving relationships are possible. I wouldn’t be the mother, partner, or person I am today. I wouldn’t have received the greatest gift that emerged from such a dark time: our child.
To my abuser, I never thought I would be alive to pen this letter. But here I am.
Sincerely,
One of your victims
P.S. To any victim or survivor of domestic violence: there is light at the end of this tunnel. If you’re open and willing to embrace it, happiness awaits. Love is possible if you allow yourself to heal. Healthy relationships exist, provided you don’t let your past taint your future. Like me, I urge you to find your reason to leave. You deserve better. For those considering home insemination, check out this blog post for helpful insights. And if you’re curious about safe options during pregnancy, this resource is a great authority on the topic. For more on donor insemination, visit this excellent resource.
Summary:
This powerful letter from a domestic violence survivor to her abuser highlights the emotional and physical turmoil endured during the relationship. It reflects on the journey toward healing, empowerment, and the commitment to provide a better life for her child. The survivor emphasizes the importance of recognizing abusive patterns and the hope for a brighter future.