When I was a kid, the TV show ‘Kate & Allie’ captivated me. It featured two divorced mothers navigating work, parenting, dating, and independence in a shared home. Unlike the typical portrayals of motherhood, these characters felt more relatable to me. My own mother had numerous single friends, my aunts had experienced multiple marriages, and several of my peers were shuffling between two households. While I saw divorced women on shows like ‘The Love Boat’, they seemed distant from my reality as a typical urban kid with married parents. Yet, ‘Kate & Allie’ resonated deeply, presenting a candid depiction of single motherhood without a laugh track to soften the edges.
The show debuted alongside chart-topping hits like “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” and “What’s Love Got to Do with It.” I can still belt out those classics. Now, after more than three decades of watching Allie and Kate tackle romantic mishaps, difficult ex-husbands, and career challenges, I find myself in my own version of a single-mom saga.
When it came time for me to embark on my journey as a single parent, I imagined it would be filled with humor and camaraderie. I envisioned a theme song that would lighten the mood when facing a family court judge. Living in a vibrant neighborhood could have been empowering, just like it was for Kate and Allie.
My years spent following their story led me to believe I would find a best friend among fellow single mothers, someone to share all the ups and downs—quiet holidays without kids, adventurous child-free nights, and the challenges of raising children together. I thought this friend would understand my struggles, like the laundry mountain or my overflowing shoe collection against a backdrop of limited wardrobe choices. I dreamed of us being each other’s plus-ones, vacationing together and raising our kids more like siblings than mere playdate companions.
In reality, though, single mothers have hectic lives. Our children’s visitation schedules often conflict, making adult gatherings or even group meet-ups difficult. We experience varying stages of grief and relief, caught up in the daily grind of bills, parent-teacher meetings, and the sporadic moments of free time that suddenly vanish. Our lives are a whirlwind, similar to other mothers’ experiences, but often amplified.
This has led me to a network of single mom friends, some nearby whom I haven’t seen in months, and others scattered across the country. We’ve shared intimate moments and sought each other’s advice through late-night texts and daily chats. As separations and breakups become commonplace, new friendships blossom over coffee or social media as we navigate the single mom experience together, albeit often feeling alone. I never anticipated building such a supportive network, and for that, I am grateful. However, the one perfect single mom friend I envisioned never materialized. There have been many allies, but no one quite like Kate.
Viewers lost interest in the ‘Kate & Allie’ narrative once one of the characters got engaged. Similarly, in real life, some of my friendships with fellow single moms have faded or been put on hold as they find love. The dynamics of dating, marriage, and new children shift our connections and how we support one another.
Our experiences as single moms often intertwine with broader life stages, making it tough to connect with those still navigating the single life. I think of characters like Miranda Hobbes and Lorelei Gilmore, who embody the complexity of single motherhood with their friendships, resilience, and humor. But where is my Kate?
Is it too much to hope for a single mom best friend who understands it all? Maybe it is. But I’ve learned that embracing a diverse circle of friends, whether near or far, who share in the highs and lows is incredibly valuable. If I could relive my own single mom journey, I would remind myself that the beauty of my situation lies in not relying on just one person. Instead, it’s about creating a dynamic cast of characters who come and go, with my child and me at the center. Sometimes, it’s just me—and that narrative is strong enough on its own.
In conclusion, the journey of single motherhood is not what I expected, but it’s enriched by a community of supportive friends and experiences that shape our lives together.