I’ll never forget the moment I found myself sitting at the kitchen table across from my wife, Jenna. It was a typical evening, and I casually boasted, “I did the dishes for you.” I even added a playful wink, expecting a round of applause. However, Jenna wasn’t buying it. Thankfully, she called me out.
At the time, I was juggling a full-time graduate program while teaching, and Jenna had taken on the role of a stay-at-home mom to our two young kids, Oliver and Mia. Adjusting to this new dynamic was challenging. Before this shift, Jenna had worked at a local store while I waited tables and pursued my degree. But once she became the primary caregiver, I somehow slipped into an outdated mindset, assuming her sole job was to manage our household. I failed to consider that I lived there too and that she was taking care of our children.
On that fateful night, when I mentioned the dishes, our kids were fast asleep, and Jenna was comfortably dressed in old pajamas. I was in casual attire as well, feeling pretty pleased with myself. “Did you remember to wash your cereal bowls and lunch dishes?” she asked, eyebrow raised.
I grinned, looking for validation. “Absolutely!” I replied.
“And did you remember the kids’ plates from dinner? Or the griddle I used to make your favorite chicken fried steak?” she continued.
“Oh, of course,” I said, a little too proud of my domestic contribution.
“Great,” she said dryly. “So you cleaned up after yourself and the kids. It sounds like you really helped yourself out. Nice work assisting yourself and our children.”
Her words hit harder than I expected. I had anticipated thanks and possibly some affection for my ‘helpfulness.’ Instead, I felt like a self-serving toddler expecting a cookie for merely cleaning up my toys.
Many men fall into this trap: we think we are doing our partners a favor when, in reality, we’re just fulfilling our duties. Sure, it’s nice to appreciate each other, but let’s be real—should we really expect praise for washing our own dishes or doing our own laundry? Ultimately, marriage is about teamwork and sharing responsibilities, not keeping score.
That night, our conversation escalated into a heated argument. We went to bed feeling angry, and I was left feeling hurt, while Jenna probably thought she had married a self-absorbed jerk. It wasn’t until the next morning, watching her unload the dishwasher, that my epiphany struck. Each dish she pulled out connected to me; they were all part of our family life.
Reluctantly, I acknowledged her point, saying, “You’re right. Those dishes belong to our family, not just you.” Jenna smiled, clearly relieved, and thanked me for understanding. I joined her in the kitchen, feeling grateful for the lesson learned.
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In summary, housework isn’t a favor to your spouse; it’s simply part of being a responsible partner. Let’s shift our perception and embrace the notion that sharing the load is essential for a healthy relationship.