I vividly recall the moment I reached my limit. I stepped into the conference room, and there he was: a miniature tyrant in cargo shorts, glaring at me with piercing eyes full of rage and disdain. After an exhausting hour of verbal abuse, I decided it was time to leave that dreary local news station in the middle of nowhere, New Jersey, for good.
While working for a narcissistic boss can feel like a nightmare, it has its silver linings, especially for those just starting their careers. For one, any future supervisors will seem incredibly reasonable in comparison. Additionally, narcissists are often quite intelligent, so if you can withstand the chaos, there’s a lot to learn. However, the most significant takeaway is that working for a narcissist sets you up for the challenges of parenting. Unfortunately, becoming someone’s subordinate is a pretty accurate description of the parenting experience.
Here are five ways that my time with a narcissistic boss equipped me for motherhood.
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Sleepless Nights
A tyrannical boss often demands late-night work, leaving you with no choice but to crash on the office couch instead of making the long drive home. I kept a spare outfit in our lead anchor’s dressing room for those occasions. Similarly, a baby will keep you up at all hours. You’ll feel utterly exhausted but still need to care for your little one, feeding, changing, and rocking them while desperately hoping for a moment of rest on the couch—only to be interrupted by crying. -
Mastering Distraction
I learned to have tricks up my sleeve to divert my boss’s attention when he would come stomping into my office, furious about something that was often out of my control. I found that sharing news about a significant event or accomplishment could redirect his ire. Likewise, as a parent, you’ll need to develop skills to distract your child from dangerous situations. If little Tommy is about to stick his fingers in an outlet, popping a balloon might just do the trick—redirecting his focus while you cuddle him and start anew. -
Tuning Out the Noise
While my body didn’t react physically to my boss’s tirades, they certainly made my heart race and my ears ring. After repeated exposure to such outbursts, the wails of a newborn will seem much less daunting. -
Preparation is Key
I quickly learned that being unprepared in a meeting could lead to public humiliation and a threat to my job. This taught me to ask questions and be ready for anything. As a parent, you’ll need the same mindset. What if there’s an emergency while you’re out with your infant? You’ll find yourself stocking your car with essentials like diapers, snacks, and formula to ensure you’re ready for anything. Peek into your diaper bag—are you prepared? I know I am. -
Recognizing Allies
My former boss thrived on pitting coworkers against each other, creating two factions: those who saw his lunacy and those who became his sycophants. The same dynamics exist in motherhood. You’ll encounter fellow mothers who uplift you and others who would rather see you fail. If you’ve survived a narcissistic workplace, you’ll quickly learn to identify those who are genuinely supportive versus those who might stab you in the back.
Whether you’re navigating the sleepless nights of infancy or the challenges of raising a spirited teenager, your experiences working for a narcissist have equipped you with invaluable skills. Embrace those challenging memories with a sense of gratitude. Give a mental nod to that difficult boss who unwittingly helped shape you into the parent you are today—then flip them off in spirit and hope they trip on their shoelaces.
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Summary
Working for a narcissistic boss can be a challenging experience, but it can also prepare you for the rigors of parenthood. From sleepless nights and mastering distraction techniques to recognizing supportive allies, the skills you develop in a toxic work environment can be invaluable in navigating the ups and downs of raising children. Embrace your past experiences as building blocks for your parenting journey.