How to Navigate Your Feelings When You Struggle to Like Your Teen

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As someone who sets high standards for both myself and my children, I’ve come to realize that I need to adjust my expectations, especially for my 14-year-old son. Despite the many great things in his life, he often insists that it “sucks,” blaming me for his discontent. He wakes up in a bad mood and goes to bed the same way, often exhibiting anger that I find difficult to understand.

For a long time, I hesitated to admit my true feelings, often saying to myself, “What’s going on?” or “He’s just really strong-willed.” These phrases allowed me to avoid confronting the fact that sometimes, I simply don’t like him very much. While my love remains steadfast, his behavior has made him less enjoyable to be around.

If you’re experiencing similar feelings, here are some strategies to consider:

Acknowledge It’s Their Behavior, Not the Child

It’s essential to recognize that it’s not our children we dislike, but their actions. Communicate this to them while expressing your feelings. It’s completely valid to share your emotions, especially when their behavior makes you feel upset.

Understand the Root of Your Feelings

Reflect on why you feel this way about your child. Is it their constant defiance? Their use of foul language? Identify the specific behaviors that trigger your frustration. It’s crucial to confront these issues directly, even though it may be uncomfortable. Honest reflection is necessary for both you and your child to grow.

Take a Moment to Pause

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to lose sight of who your child is. Take a step back to assess the situation calmly. This process is challenging, but when I remember to take a breath and pause, it often leads to a more harmonious home environment.

Be Kind to Yourself

Parenting is often confusing and chaotic. While advice from others can be helpful, remember that they don’t live with your child. It’s important to forgive yourself for having negative feelings. Consider whether you’re projecting your own life challenges onto your child and how you can manage your emotional responses effectively.

To truly support our children, we need to engage with them on their level. This doesn’t mean you have to understand every obsession they have, like glitter slime or watching others play video games on YouTube, but it does mean being present and showing interest in their lives.

When my son was a baby, I had a vision of the person he would become. Now that he’s a teenager, I sometimes mourn the loss of the child I envisioned. Yet, I remind myself that he’s still that little boy inside, and I mustn’t hold him to the unrealistic standards of my imagination.

Though I may not always like my son, my deep love for him remains, along with my hopes for his future. Remembering that “this too shall pass” helps me navigate the rough patches of parenting.

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In conclusion, it’s essential to navigate the challenging waters of parenting by recognizing that feelings of disconnection or frustration often stem from behaviors rather than the child themselves. By taking the time to pause, reflect, and communicate openly, parents can foster a more positive relationship with their kids.