Updated: Feb. 28, 2016
Originally Published: July 27, 2015
Dining with my family requires an extraordinary level of patience and emotional resilience. By the time dessert rolls around, I’m often left wondering if I even had a meal, or if my food was gradually commandeered by my kids during the countless times I had to leave the table to attend to their needs. Did I really eat, or was I simply a spectator at my own dinner?
Now, don’t get me wrong—dinner time isn’t all chaos. I genuinely enjoy hearing about my kids’ adventures at school or their latest camp stories, and I’ve mastered the art of pretending to be fascinated by their recent Minecraft creations. There’s something irresistibly adorable about their little arms propped up on the table while they enthusiastically smear spaghetti sauce across their faces. I actually savor those moments. And who could forget the times when we all burst into laughter because my son let out a completely unexpected trumpet sound?
These are the moments we cherish as a family.
However, the overarching challenge of family dinners remains: I rarely get to relish my food.
Enter the Concept of “Second Dinner”
Before we gather around the table, I prepare a full plate of my meal and pop it into the microwave. Then, I set a “dummy plate”—a few bites strategically arranged to give the illusion of a proper dinner. As I sit down with my noisy, food-splashing family, I pretend to eat from this dummy plate, which is really meant for our dog.
Once the kids are tucked in for the night and my partner has dozed off on the couch while watching Ancient Aliens, it’s finally time for my real dinner—my Second Dinner. I reheat my food to perfection and savor every bite in blissful solitude. There’s no cacophony of open-mouth chewing or slurping, no unexpected spills or toddler meltdowns. I can simply enjoy my meal in peace, and I dare say that the wait enhances the taste!
Some might view Second Dinner as selfish, but I assure you it benefits the entire family. Knowing that my real dinner awaits boosts my patience during the initial chaos, ultimately reducing the potential for future therapy bills for my kids.
Before adopting this strategy, I often found myself biting my tongue through meals, or worse, letting my frustration spill over when I was in a bad mood. My partner, for instance, sounds like a mix between Darth Vader and a swamp creature while chewing. It’s not entirely his fault—he has allergies and struggles to breathe through his nose. And my kids, like most, can be quite messy eaters, sometimes even pushing their plates away in disgust.
But I am determined to teach them proper table manners, as I wouldn’t want my future in-laws thinking I failed as a mother. Night after night, I reiterate the same rules: Chew with your mouth closed, say excuse me, use your fork, and yes, you must taste it even if you don’t want to. And for the billionth time—get your foot off the table!
I’ve had enough. I want to savor my meal! Thanks to Second Dinner, I can relax during the first round. I can lean back, feign interest in my kids’ antics, and just relish being with my wonderfully chaotic family.
I adore my family and I love food, but I certainly don’t need to enjoy both at the same time.
Summary
Navigating family dinners can be a test of patience, especially with young children at the table. The author introduces the concept of “Second Dinner,” a clever way to enjoy a peaceful meal alone after the kids have gone to bed. By preparing a second plate and engaging with the family during the first dinner, parents can savor their meals without the chaos of mealtime distractions. This approach allows for both family bonding and personal enjoyment of food, proving that it is possible to find balance in the dinner routine.