And thus began the Era of the Jerk. Yet, there remains hope. The insights of those wiser (the ones who have lived beyond 40, and let’s skip the “40 is the new 30” nonsense) have been preserved, passed down from those who came before: those with genuine social connections; those who taught their offspring to be polite and empathetic; those who enjoyed music on vinyl.
Embrace the wisdom of the past, and follow these Guiding Principles to Avoid Being a Jerk:
- Thou Shalt Not Be An Insufferable Know-It-All. If your opinion is sought, feel free to share it—but do so in a way that doesn’t imply your perspective is the only valid one. Being obnoxious doesn’t make you right; it just makes you a jerk.
- When You Encounter a “Yield” Sign, You Shall Yield. Traffic signs exist for a reason, my friend. Ignoring them only broadcasts your belief that you’re above others—and you may just invite trouble.
- When You Make a Mistake with Your Kids, You Shall Apologize. The mantra “Do as I say, not as I do” belongs to the jerk. If your children see you own your mistakes—especially those related to them—they are far more likely to take responsibility for their actions. Just today, I had to admit my faults to my child, as I often stumble.
- When Visiting a Foreign Country, You Shall Not Act Superior or Entitled. Approach new cultures with respect and humility. Remember that many nations have histories that predate yours, and you represent your homeland. Don’t be a jerk ambassador.
- Thou Shalt Not Lend Out a Book That Was Loaned to You. Seriously, you have a smartphone. iBookshelf is only $1.99, and you can easily check who it belongs to. It’s probably mine, and I want it back.
- You Shall Not Decorate Your Truck with Offensive Items. Seriously, just don’t.
- You Shall Not Share Celebrity Death Notices or Provocative “News” Articles Without First Verifying Their Authenticity. Take a moment to think critically. Don’t follow the herd mindlessly.
- You Shall Not Bring Dishonor or Harm to Women in Any Form. Understand that there are only two types of men: Gentlemen and Jerks. All else is secondary. No matter the situation, uphold respect.
- Replace the Empty Toilet Paper Roll. Even if you didn’t realize the importance previously, once you assume the Throne of Responsibility, this task falls to you. Figure it out.
- Thou Shalt Park Within the Lines. If you cannot manage this, your vehicle is either too large or too ridiculous. Consider a change.
Go forth and live with respect for yourself and others.
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In summary, being a decent human being is not just a guideline; it’s a necessity in today’s world. By practicing these principles, you can contribute to a more respectful and compassionate society.