Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? Months have passed since your divorce was finalized, and you thought you were on the road to recovery. You were beginning to regain your financial footing, personalizing your space, and diving into new hobbies. For a while, it felt like you were thriving. But then, out of nowhere, a wave of anger crashes over you, refusing to recede. You start to recall the mistreatment you endured from your ex—like discovering flirty texts from another woman on his phone or coming home after a long work trip to find him lounging on the couch while your home was in disarray.
You remember the comments he made at the gym, comparing your appearance to when you first met, and how he would ignore you even in shared spaces. The list goes on, and with each recollection, your anger deepens, leaving you frustrated and questioning why you didn’t see the signs earlier.
This sense of injustice can blind you, stalling your progress. But here’s the thing: that anger is surfacing now because you’re becoming stronger. You’re healing from the divorce, and your more confident self is looking back at the past with clearer eyes, recognizing the disrespect you suffered. The stronger you is demanding justice.
You might wonder, “Why is this happening now? Isn’t this derailing my healing?” Think of your recovery as a journey in phases. The first phase involved enduring treatment that you may have normalized or attributed to your own faults. The second phase is where you are now, having recognized that the marriage was detrimental to your well-being and either undergoing or finalizing the divorce.
This “anger gap” is the distance between those two phases. You are coming to terms with the fact that you were not treated with the respect you deserved and that you can’t change the past. It’s easy to direct anger toward your ex for their poor behavior or toward yourself for allowing it to go on.
But here’s the kicker: these feelings are all tied to events you cannot control. You cannot rewind time and force your ex to treat you better; frankly, they didn’t deserve you in the first place. You also can’t compel them to apologize or feel remorse; they are likely emotionally unavailable, and expecting them to change is futile.
Continuing to dwell on what you could have done differently or blaming yourself for not standing up sooner only traps you in a cycle of negativity. So, what’s next? It’s time to redirect your anger into something constructive.
No, I’m not suggesting you go out and pick flowers to create a vision board. I’m not even advocating for immediate forgiveness. Instead, I propose the PPF Model—Past, Present, Future.
- Past: What can I learn from this anger?
- Present: What actions can I take now to transform this anger into something beneficial?
- Future: How can I safeguard myself against toxic behavior moving forward?
Letting go of all those frustrating memories isn’t easy, but you can’t allow them to hold you back from your future. You have a choice: remain stuck in a past that you can’t change, or learn from it and use that anger to fuel your desire for a better life. You are worth the effort it takes to move forward.
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Summary:
The PPF Model offers a structured approach to redirecting anger experienced after a divorce into productive healing. By understanding the past, taking action in the present, and planning for a healthier future, individuals can move forward with confidence and self-worth.