When my workplace closed and our children’s schools began discussing potential shutdowns, panic set in — the pandemic hit us hard. I was accustomed to the daily rush, catching the train to Manhattan, and the predictability of my routine. Even breakfast was often overshadowed by thoughts of dinner.
I had grown comfortable with brief evenings spent with my spouse, often just an hour of shared time, enjoying a Netflix episode while keeping one ear attuned to our twins’ room, anticipating any night terrors. That was our pre-pandemic normal.
Suddenly, everything changed. We were thrust into constant proximity, my family of five confined at home together. Initially, I found the prospect daunting; being with the same four people every single day felt overwhelming. However, this forced closeness revealed aspects of each other we had overlooked in our busy lives.
Despite my insistence that everyone shower and change into fresh clothes as if we were heading out, the transition was far from seamless. The first week was filled with daily arguments. We clashed over dinner choices, screen time limits for the kids, who had priority on the laptop, and the never-ending pile of dishes. Those early days were marked by miscommunications and frustrations.
By the end of that first week, a change of scenery was necessary, leading us outdoors — a pivotal moment for us. Each weekend, we ventured to new parks and hiking trails, where our kids raced on their scooters. We explored nature, skipped stones in streams, and even turned our outdoor adventures into impromptu preschool lessons.
We began having picnics in the backyard and cozy movie nights huddled in bed with our favorite snacks. I took to baking homemade chocolate chip cookies and restocked our snack drawer, letting go of the struggle to enforce healthy eating. I started to embrace life during the pandemic.
To create a semblance of normalcy for our children, my partner and I made a conscious effort to align our approaches. We found that hiking allowed us to release built-up tension and enjoy the freedom of the outdoors. As we moved past the initial month of quarantine in our small home, our anxieties eased, and we began to anticipate weekends filled with family exploration.
About a month into this new reality, I noticed my tendency to nag had diminished. My partner began asking how she could contribute more. I discovered a knack for baking bread, while she encouraged the kids to help set the dinner table. We were navigating uncharted waters together, redistributing household roles, and recognizing our mutual dependence. We realized that we couldn’t weather the pandemic alone.
Before this, our communication often happened through texts, rehashing conversations from the night before. The pandemic forced us into real-time discussions. I learned it wasn’t so challenging to ask for what I needed without my phone in hand. I could no longer dwell on why the laundry wasn’t folded or why our kids insisted on pasta every night. With nowhere else to be, I embraced the chaos and involved everyone in chores.
Of course, my partner still had her quirks that sometimes irritated me (and I’m sure I had my share of annoyances as well). Like when she would finish my water during our TV time instead of pouring her own. These little annoyances needed to be addressed if we were to coexist peacefully every day without the distractions of our previous lives.
Before the pandemic, I noticed changes in our marriage, with parts of us fading amid the demands of parenting and careers. When we married nearly a decade ago, I never envisioned this phase of trying to rekindle our love amidst the chaos. The pandemic revealed the growing pains we hadn’t anticipated — that our early love required polishing and care.
While our initial quarrels during the pandemic did strain our marriage, it was crucial for us to model healthy conflict resolution for our children. The challenges we faced, from homeschooling to social distancing family gatherings, have been significant.
Now, as we hope for a return to normalcy, the future remains uncertain. However, one thing is clear: I love my partner, and most days, I genuinely like her — even when she snores or swipes the last bite of my ice cream. This pandemic has stripped away much from us, but it has also gifted us with something invaluable: time together. We’ve had countless hours to deepen our family ties, revive the excitement of our early romance, and ensure every voice is heard.
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In summary, the pandemic has tested and ultimately strengthened our marriage. Through open communication, shared experiences, and a commitment to each other, we’ve not only adapted but also grown closer as a family.