Every mother eventually reaches her limit. This often leads to a bold declaration or a significant action meant to address the chaos, which typically garners the intended response. That’s precisely what transpired during Christmas in 1983.
My five siblings and I were oblivious to the impending lesson in patience and kindness that awaited us. Our diverse personalities frequently clashed, with Mom constantly mediating our trivial disputes. Each of us passionately defended our positions, knowing that if she couldn’t determine who was to blame, we would all face consequences.
On that fateful Christmas morning, eager to quell the conflicts, Mom proclaimed that we wouldn’t receive any gifts until we each expressed something kind about one another. The groans and eye-rolls that followed were of no consequence to her. Mom was prepared to wait as long as necessary. According to her, the compliments came slowly and were quite basic at first.
We avoided looking at each other, our eyes fixated on the enticing presents before us. Eventually, Mom and Dad relented, allowing us to open our gifts since we had technically complied with her request. But this was just the beginning of her brilliant strategy.
The subsequent year, Mom repeated her demand, but this time she insisted on genuine sentiments. We eagerly anticipated what each person would say. By the third year, however, we were ready. In the months leading up to Christmas, we took note of each other’s good deeds and accomplishments. By the time gift-opening arrived, we had multiple heartfelt compliments to share!
Over time, kindness became second nature to us. Mom beamed with pride as she and Dad listened attentively to our words while we gathered in the living room, hoping these warm feelings would linger until the next minor squabble erupted. I was just 13 when this quirky idea first emerged, and now at 47, we still adhere to this tradition—no presents until we express something nice about each other.
What originally began as a punishment has transformed into a cherished family custom. Our compliments have grown increasingly meaningful, and it has become the highlight of our Christmas celebration. It’s a moment we all genuinely look forward to, where we can openly share what we often overlook during the year.
This occasion is often filled with laughter as we share inside jokes and amusing anecdotes from the past year, all woven together with heartfelt affirmations. Tears are not uncommon—sometimes shed by the recipient of kind words, sometimes by the giver, both overwhelmed by the love within our loud and lively family. It serves as an annual reminder that despite any challenges, our family is resilient and always supports one another.
Now, as adults with families of our own, we are scattered across the country. The opportunities for conflict have dwindled, and we’ve come to embrace our differences. Perhaps this is a testament to Mom’s teaching us to focus on the positives and learn to communicate openly. Maybe it’s because we understand that it’s possible to disagree and still offer sincere praise. Thanks, Mom.
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In summary, what started as a disciplinary action has grown into a beloved family tradition, reminding us of the importance of kindness and connection, even amidst our differences.