I have a secret to share: I allowed my children to cry it out. Before jumping to conclusions, let me explain.
First off, the methods a parent chooses for sleep assistance shouldn’t be a cause for judgment. Yet, here we are. The mere mention of “sleep training” or “cry it out” sends some parents into a frenzy, quick to point out your perceived failures and how you might be damaging your child for life.
To be clear, while I’ve made my share of parenting mistakes, sleep training isn’t one of them.
Let’s clarify what sleep training really entails. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t mean abandoning your baby to cry indefinitely. It’s about teaching your child to fall asleep independently. There are various approaches, including allowing your child to cry for a short period before offering comfort.
Like many parents, I envisioned the perfect parenting experience, but many of those dreams faded before my first child even arrived. My birth plan was quickly discarded, and the delivery was far from smooth. The recovery was grueling, and I sensed something was amiss, although I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
Eventually, I recognized that I was grappling with postpartum depression. It felt like the lights had dimmed in my life, and I was merely wandering through a fog of exhaustion.
Sleep deprivation compounded my struggles. While sleepless nights are common for new parents, my experience was on another level. I felt like crying constantly and harbored resentment towards everything—including myself.
Despite this, I thought I was coping well, convincing myself that simply surviving was sufficient. After all, isn’t the initial phase of motherhood about self-sacrifice? I believed that my needs were no longer important.
That was until one haunting night.
My son was crying again. I attempted to soothe him, but frustration quickly escalated. I tried everything—bouncing, shushing, but nothing worked. In a moment of desperation, I placed him in his crib and left the room. Thankfully, nothing dire occurred, but it frightened me enough to realize I needed to change my approach.
I knew I couldn’t continue in the same way. So, I made some crucial adjustments. I stopped breastfeeding almost overnight (a topic for another time—no judgment needed, please). My partner and I devised a plan to alternate night feedings and decided to implement a reasonable sleep training strategy.
After careful research, we settled on a method that suited us. When it was time for sleep, we would let our son cry for a few minutes before comforting him. If he woke during the night, we followed the same process, gradually increasing the waiting time before going to him. The results were remarkable. Soon, he was falling asleep in his crib without issue and sleeping for extended periods. By four or five months, he was typically sleeping 11-12 hours straight. There were indeed exceptions, especially when he was unwell or during travel, but overall, the system worked wonders for us.
The topic of sleep training and the “cry it out” method stirs up passionate debate, with many quick to label parents as heartless for not rushing to comfort their babies immediately. But let me assure you, it’s not easy. Watching the clock tick down to the moment you decide to intervene is excruciating. Nonetheless, I found that navigating motherhood while battling mental health challenges was far tougher.
Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience, and pregnancy brings its own set of physical and emotional challenges. With added factors like sleep deprivation, it can severely impact mental well-being. I chose to pursue sleep training because having a mentally healthy parent is paramount for a child’s well-being. I have no regrets about that decision.
Not only did my mental health improve once my baby began sleeping better, but he has also developed into a fantastic sleeper. I’m not claiming that sleep training is a universal solution or that it fits every family’s needs. If co-sleeping or alternative methods work for you, then embrace what suits your family best. Taking care of yourself is essential to being the parent your child needs.
Motherhood should not equate to self-sacrifice. We must prioritize our well-being to care for our children effectively, and we should never feel guilty for making choices that support that goal. Besides, before you know it, they’ll be hitting the snooze button on school days!
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Summary
In this article, I candidly share my experience with sleep training my child and how it ultimately made me a better parent. I discuss the challenges of postpartum depression and sleep deprivation and how implementing a sleep training strategy transformed our family life. I emphasize the importance of self-care for parents and encourage others to pursue what works best for them without feeling guilty or judged.