Lifestyle
How Perfectionism Impacts Our Mental Well-Being by J. Taylor
Updated: October 19, 2023
Originally Published: October 19, 2023
Image Source: kitzcorner / Getty Images
It can be incredibly disheartening when those around you don’t see your potential. I faced something similar during my childhood in the public education system. Fortunately, my family always had faith in my abilities, which fueled my desire to prove them right through perfection. However, this quest for flawlessness led to an overwhelming amount of stress.
From a young age, I developed a perfectionist attitude, believing that anything less than first place was a failure. This mentality persisted throughout my university years, where I was my harshest critic. Each semester, making the Dean’s List felt like the only way to validate my presence there; anything less made me feel like I had squandered my time. Eventually, even that wasn’t sufficient—I aimed for the Chancellor’s List to silence the doubts I carried from others who said I didn’t belong. Yet, crossing the graduation stage with honors, although not as high as I had hoped, felt like only the beginning of a new struggle.
Entering adulthood brought with it a demand for perfection that I could never quite meet. As a millennial, the degree and GPA I worked so hard for seemed to hold little value in the real world. I quickly learned that my achievements didn’t guarantee success.
The Pain of Perfectionism
I’m certainly not alone in feeling the weight of perfectionism; many people find themselves trapped in a cycle of shame because of it. Recent research indicates that college students often experience depressive symptoms stemming from the pressures of young adulthood and academic expectations. An earlier study revealed a 30% increase in depressive symptoms among undergraduates, likely linked to the relentless evaluation of their performance.
This issue extends far beyond academia. Many of us are employed in environments that prioritize metrics like productivity and return on investment. Our social media presence is dictated by likes, shares, and comments. We all strive to project an image of perfection, leading to immense stress. This might explain the correlation between social media use and depression; we are more connected than ever, yet we often feel more isolated.
Finding a Way Forward
I chased perfection for a considerable time, landing a job in insurance right after college where I dressed and spoke the part, attempting to meet my family’s expectations. However, I soon realized that I despised my job and couldn’t maintain that polished appearance. I impulsively married my middle school crush, thinking it would be a step toward happiness. Instead, my imperfections felt like failures, and the post-grad reality was slowly suffocating me. I knew I had to make a change.
Fortunately, my passion for learning and creativity allowed me to carve out a unique path. Letting go of that perfectionist mindset was daunting. It required deep self-reflection, addressing harmful thought patterns, and embracing my flaws. Unfortunately, this process brought on bouts of depression. Looking back at my journey, I sometimes feel like I’ve fallen short. I’m a graduate not utilizing my degree, a young mother of one (with another on the way), and my career aspirations feel unfulfilled. I often grapple with feelings of inadequacy and sadness, questioning whether I have disappointed those who believed in me.
I’m aware that I’m not perfect. I struggle with insecurities about my life’s direction, and some days, it feels like everything is spiraling out of control. Yet, I’ve learned that the only thing I can genuinely manage is to wake up each day, embrace authenticity, and give myself the grace I deserve.
Perfection isn’t my goal anymore; revealing our imperfections is crucial for fostering change in the world.
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Summary
Perfectionism can severely impact mental health, causing stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. Many individuals, especially young adults, struggle under the weight of expectations from society, school, and themselves. Embracing authenticity and accepting imperfections can lead to a healthier mindset and well-being.