Parenting three children under the age of five means that emergency room visits are almost a rite of passage. Our trips have often been dictated by the unpredictable nature of kids—like when a sudden spike in fever strikes at 5:31 p.m. on a Friday. We’ve also made our way to the ER for minor bumps to the head, which always leaves me questioning the reliability of online searches about medical symptoms. For instance, when I Googled “what does brain fluid look like,” it told me it’s similar to mucus. How am I supposed to tell if my child’s runny nose was due to tears or something more concerning? Spoiler: it was just tears.
However, the most bizarre trip to the ER occurred a few months ago. It was a Friday evening, and my husband and I were preparing dinner, eager to tuck our tired kids into bed. Just as I poured eggs into the frying pan, my son burst into the room, sobbing uncontrollably.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, trying to make sense of the situation.
“I don’t think I swallowed a penny!” he wailed.
Naturally, I was taken aback. “I’m not sure I understand. What do you mean you don’t think you swallowed a penny?”
This question only seemed to deepen his distress, leading to more tears. My husband and I exchanged confused glances, realizing we needed to dig deeper. I called our daughter, who had been playing nearby, but she quickly adopted a silent, wide-eyed expression, clearly opting for the “no comment” approach.
After a sigh, I turned off the stove and called my brother, a medical professional. “He says he doesn’t think he swallowed a penny,” I explained.
“Sounds like he swallowed a penny,” he replied flatly.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” I said, resigned to the insanity of parenting.
Thus began our most humbling ER adventure. My husband took over dinner duties while my son and I made our way to the hospital. He calmed down upon realizing we were heading to get checked out. I tried once more to understand what had happened during our car ride.
“I don’t think I swallowed one,” he repeated.
“Can you tell me why that thought made you so upset?” I pressed, but he remained tight-lipped, leaving me puzzled.
At the ER, I approached the receptionist. “Hi, my son here doesn’t think he swallowed a penny.” She did her best to suppress a chuckle while checking us in.
Shortly after, we were taken to a room where I had to repeat, “My son doesn’t think he swallowed a penny,” to both the nurse and the on-call doctor.
“Did you swallow a penny?” the doctor asked directly.
“No,” my son insisted, sounding more convinced than ever.
The doctor chuckled and said to me, “Oh, he likely swallowed a penny.” It seems this was common knowledge in the medical field. He informed us that an x-ray would be necessary to locate the penny, as it could potentially cause issues if lodged in the wrong place.
By this time, my son was distracted, happily watching Disney shows on the hospital TV—something he never gets to do at home. When the x-ray technician entered, he jovially declared, “I hear your son didn’t swallow a penny! That’s a new one!” He quickly took x-rays while my son’s focus remained fixated on the screen.
Eventually, the doctor returned with the results. “Your son is honest,” he said.
“You mean he didn’t swallow a penny?” I asked, half-hoping for good news.
“No penny,” he confirmed.
I didn’t even bother to register what the discharge papers contained. Perhaps it said something about keeping an eye on an overactive imagination? All I knew was that we’d paid a significant amount to be informed that my son had, in fact, not swallowed a penny.
In the days that followed, I attempted to discuss the incident with my son, but he remained tight-lipped. At one point, he mentioned he couldn’t find a penny, which led him to conclude that it must have been swallowed. Apparently, if it’s not on the floor, it’s in the stomach? The whole thing left me bewildered, but at least it ended on a positive note.
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Summary
Parenting can lead to some unexpected and humorous situations, as illustrated by my son’s alarming yet amusing belief that he might have swallowed a penny. Our trip to the ER was filled with confusion and laughter, culminating in the reassuring news that no penny was involved. It serves as a reminder of the wild imagination of children and the adventures that come with parenting.