On a chilly afternoon in early 2013, I received a call that would forever change my life. At just 12 weeks into my pregnancy, the results from our advanced cell-free DNA test were in: no genetic abnormalities, no Down syndrome, and the revelation that we were having a girl. I could hardly contain my excitement, immediately dialing my partner to share the joyous news. “It’s a girl! I can’t believe we’re finally having our daughter!”
However, that joy was short-lived. At 17 weeks and 4 days, I woke up with an unsettling feeling. I was drenched in my pajamas, my heart racing with an instinct that something was terribly wrong.
As we entered the ER that morning, confusion clouded my mind. My water had broken, and there was nothing left to do but wait. My doctor ordered three days of bed rest and scheduled a follow-up appointment for the coming Tuesday. My partner was in tears as we gazed at the ultrasound image of our tiny baby, yet I felt detached, unable to process the reality of our situation. I was convinced everything would turn out fine.
In a desperate attempt to maintain normalcy, I occupied myself with tasks like knitting a blanket for a friend who was also expecting, saving freezer meal recipes, and devouring parenting books. I was deep in denial on the morning of our follow-up appointment. However, as we drove to the hospital, a crack in my facade began to form. Just as I had instinctively known the baby was a girl, I now sensed that I was losing her too. The ultrasound moments later confirmed my fears: she was still alive, but her time was limited.
The next 24 hours passed in a blur, shrouded in grief and confusion. I recall a doctor embracing me, the agonizing decision to induce labor, and being guided to a birthing suite. I changed into a hospital gown, entering what my partner later described as a catatonic state. When the OB nurse entered, she chatted cheerfully as if everything was normal. Her light-hearted banter broke the dam of my emotions. I fled to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and sobbing harder than I ever had before.
Eventually, my midwife arrived, and it was determined that I was unable to bear the prospect of delivering a dying child. The choice was made to schedule a D&E for the following day. Weeks later, we received the hospital bill, and the description of my procedure was startlingly clear: Elective Abortion.
“How could they call it that?” I thought, feeling a wave of indignation. Abortions are for those who view their pregnancies as mistakes, who didn’t plan or desire their babies. I had lost my daughter; I did NOT abort her!
Yet, the truth dawned on me: Yes, I did have an abortion. Alongside my partner and the medical team, I had weighed our options and made a decision based on the circumstances. In my situation, D&C, D&E, and abortion were simply different terms for the same outcome. Rather than guilt, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I was grateful for the choice I had, for the fact that I lived in a time where I could say, “Please don’t make me do this,” and it was honored.
Had I been forced to give birth to my daughter, I would have emerged a different person—harder, more sorrowful, and forever changed. I would still mourn daily and not be the joyful mother I am to my now 7-month-old son. For every woman who never wanted children, there are those like me who are too young, lack resources, or face other daunting life circumstances that make carrying a pregnancy to term unbearable.
For most, the choice to have an abortion doesn’t detract from our potential to be loving mothers in the future—it shapes who we become. Yes, I am a mother, and I am proud of it. I also had an abortion.
For more insights on fertility and family planning, check out this resource. Additionally, this article provides valuable information on the topic, while the Genetics and IVF Institute serves as an excellent resource for those navigating pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
This article recounts the deeply personal experience of a woman who faced a miscarriage and how it significantly influenced her views on abortion rights. Through her story, she highlights the importance of choice in such heartbreaking circumstances, revealing that the decision to terminate a pregnancy can be a compassionate and necessary one.