For as long as I can remember, my weight has been a constant presence in my life. While I was never truly unhealthy, I have always carried more weight than average. I tried to dismiss my feelings about it, but deep down, it affected me greatly. Everything changed when my daughter, Lily, entered the world.
At that time, I tipped the scales at over 200 pounds and wore a size 16 dress. The thought of being plus-sized overwhelmed me. I envisioned a future where I couldn’t keep up with Lily as she grew and became more active. I dreaded the idea of shopping for clothes in plus-sized stores, which I now know offer trendy options. Most distressing was my fear that my husband would find me unattractive and that society would judge me harshly.
Determined to make a change, I began exercising and eating nutritious meals. Before long, I had shed the weight, reaching 165 pounds on my 5-foot-6 frame. I felt stronger, more agile, and healthier than ever. I relished my fit lifestyle and the choices I made for my diet.
However, over the past three years, the tides have turned. Gradually, the weight crept back on. My muscles have weakened, my body feels stiff, and I often find myself exhausted. The most heartbreaking aspect is that I struggle to keep up with Lily, who is now 7 years old.
Her inquisitive nature has brought my struggles into sharper focus. She wonders why I am heavier than her dad. She comments on my squishy stomach and questions the dimples on my thighs and my stretch marks. Once, these attributes didn’t bother me, but seeing her curiosity sparks self-doubt. How do I explain that the pressures of work, school, and family life caused me to neglect my health? How do I admit that I’m too tired to work out or that I lack the time to prepare healthy meals? The truth is, these are excuses, plain and simple.
Then comes the hardest question: “Why are you fat, Mommy?” she asks, innocently. In our home, the term “fat” isn’t derogatory; we promote body positivity and refuse to criticize ourselves in front of her. Yet, I worry she might have heard me refer to myself negatively at times, and I recognize I have become someone who carries excess weight.
So, why am I this way? Should I tell her it stems from too many unhealthy snacks or binge-watching shows instead of exercising? Should I talk about how stress or sadness often leads me to seek comfort in food? Or should I mention my genetics, which might not be in my favor? No, these are my challenges, and I don’t want my daughter to grow up believing that all overweight individuals are unhealthy.
Yet, her innocent questions have sparked reflection within me. I understand why I’ve gained weight, and I know I don’t want to remain out of shape. My concerns have shifted from vanity to health; I simply don’t feel good.
Lily’s inquiries have inspired me to ponder my path back to fitness. What must I change? What steps do I need to take? The answers are clear; it’s time to act. I want to set a positive example for my daughter, live a healthier lifestyle, and regain the energy to enjoy playful moments with her.
While it may seem that I am being hard on myself, the reality is that my health matters far more than my size or appearance. With a family history of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease, it’s crucial that I prioritize my well-being. I want to establish good habits that I can pass down to Lily as she grows.
As I embark on this journey toward improved health, I am grateful for the support from friends, family, and especially my daughter, who motivates me to focus on self-care and reminds me of my worth, irrespective of my size.
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Summary:
A mother reflects on her weight gain and how her daughter’s innocent questions about her size prompted her to reassess her health and lifestyle choices. Through self-examination, she recognizes the need to prioritize her well-being for both herself and her daughter while acknowledging the challenges she’s faced.