Recently, I’ve been discussing the arrival of our third child with my oldest son, who is now four. I’m working to prepare him for this new chapter in our lives, explaining how things will change and how we will all need to adapt. We talk about the baby’s needs, the inevitable crying, and how Mommy and Daddy will be focused on caring for the newcomer. I encourage him to embrace his role as the big brother, highlighting how he can be involved.
Just yesterday, he asked to feel the baby kicking inside my belly. As my belly moved under his tiny hand, he eagerly reassured his unborn sibling that crying and sleeping would be normal, and that it would be our job to teach him everything we know. I felt a warm surge of pride, glad to see him absorbing our conversations.
Then came a question that took me by surprise. “Mommy, did things change for you after I came out of your tummy?”
I paused, reflecting on how to convey the depth of that experience to a child. How could I explain that my entire existence was redefined by motherhood? I wanted him to know that the moment he entered the world, I was enveloped by an overwhelming sense of love and responsibility.
In those first minutes after his birth, when he struggled to breathe and medical staff rushed in, time felt endless. Fear gripped me like nothing I had ever felt before. I found myself shouting at the doctors as they worked, desperate for my baby to be okay. When I finally heard his first cries, they were the most beautiful sounds I had ever encountered. Relief washed over me, and I wept in gratitude.
I wished to articulate the fears that accompanied motherhood: the worry of not feeding him enough, the anxiety of someone accidentally dropping him, and the countless hours spent watching him sleep, gently checking his breathing. I wanted my son to know how unworthy I felt of the incredible gift of parenting, terrified that something would go wrong. I experienced a joy so intense that I feared losing it.
I longed to share the challenges of new motherhood—endless feedings, sleepless nights, and obsessing over every small detail, including his pooping patterns and coughs. The burden of colic and new parent anxiety often felt isolating and overwhelming.
I wanted him to understand how my priorities shifted dramatically. A friend once told me that he had changed my heart, and it was true. Suddenly, nothing mattered more than him; I could overlook a messy home or leave work early, choosing to spend precious time with him instead.
I wanted to convey that my sleep would never be as restful as it once was, that I’d be checking on him throughout the night, and that I’d constantly seek answers for everything from baby rashes to preschools. If he was out with his dad and returned late, panic would set in. I would even sit in his room at night, simply to be near him, and I secretly cherished those moments when he would crawl into our bed.
I wanted to express the frustration that comes with parenting—a little person who could care less about my professional accomplishments. Reasoning with a toddler can feel like a futile endeavor. I learned quickly that no amount of planning could guarantee a tantrum-free day.
I also wanted him to know that I had never intended to have more children. We were uncertain after him, relieved with how well he fit into our lives. Although pregnancy was challenging, the love we felt for him inspired us to give him a sibling, as we couldn’t imagine him growing up without family beyond just his dad and me.
I wanted to convey my initial worries about loving another child as much as him. The guilt I felt before his brother was born was palpable. Yet, when his brother arrived, the depth of love I experienced was miraculous—my heart expanded to embrace both of them.
Watching my sons play together brings me joy and often makes my heart ache. Sometimes, I listen in on their conversations, amazed by their bond. When my oldest tells his brother that “family always sticks together,” my heart melts. Even their mischievous plans make me laugh long after they’ve been disciplined and tucked into bed.
Ultimately, I want him to know my friend’s words were true: my heart transformed the day he was born. I will never be the same. With him and his brother now at the center of my world, every emotion is felt more deeply. He will always carry a piece of my heart, for he was my first, the catalyst for this incredible journey.
Looking down at my son, I smiled and nodded as he awaited my response. “Yes, Bubby,” I said, pulling him close. “Everything changed.”
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Summary
This heartfelt reflection on motherhood captures the transformative journey of becoming a parent, illustrating the profound emotions and challenges that arise with the arrival of a child. The author shares personal anecdotes that reveal how love and responsibility redefine priorities and reshape one’s heart.