The saying “She dances to the rhythm of her own song” perfectly describes my five-year-old daughter. When we venture outside, you can find her joyfully collecting flowers or humming softly to herself. She thrives on solitude, often seen playing by herself on the playground or creating “art” in the dirt. Above all, her favorite place is at home, immersed in drawing, painting, or coloring—she’s a true homebody. As an introvert with some extroverted qualities, I see where she gets it. My daughter is a twin, and her sister is quite the extrovert.
I aim to nurture her authentic self. With more than 75% of people being classified as extroverts, it’s essential to help others—especially our kids—understand introversion. As my introverted twin prepares to transition from kindergarten to first grade, neither of us feels pressured to gather a large group of friends. She’s content with a select few, the girls she enjoys during recess or sits beside during lunch. She doesn’t come home asking for playdates.
The Center for Parenting Education emphasizes that “Parents and educators can play an important role in helping children embrace their inner selves.” Since introverts often need time to process their thoughts and may not easily share what’s on their minds, adults must dig deeper to uncover their unique talents. I’ve found that listening more and speaking less has been a valuable strategy when my daughter is ready to express herself.
At our dinner table, we frequently engage in games that not only foster connection but also encourage her to articulate her thoughts in a social setting. One of our favorites is “This or That,” where someone poses a question, like “Do you prefer the ocean or a river?” and everyone answers, followed by follow-up questions. This format allows us all to share and learn about one another.
As parents, we can also share our personalities and needs. As a writer, I often find myself deep in thought on my laptop. I express to my family that I require quiet time for my work and prefer calm over chaos. This helps me connect with my introverted daughter and encourages other family members to understand our needs.
We live in a fast-paced world, but the pandemic showed us the benefits of slowing down. This has been advantageous for introverts who generally prefer a more relaxed pace and smaller social circles. Carol Bainbridge, in an article from Verywell Family, reminds us that introversion is not synonymous with loneliness or shyness. Introverts often possess a heightened sensitivity to social cues and tend to be more empathetic and connected to others than their more extroverted peers.
Both my daughter and I share a deep self-awareness and an understanding of the emotions of those around us. I resonate with her ability to forge meaningful connections that go beyond superficial interactions. Introverts seek lasting relationships and can be more emotionally sensitive, especially when their feelings are hurt. As the parent of a highly sensitive child, I must exercise patience during her emotional outbursts. Once she calms down and is open to conversation, I gently remind her: “Not everyone will want to play that game in the same way you do,” or “Clara can have other friends too.” While these truths can be difficult to share, they are essential for her social development.
We can gain as much from our introverted children as we impart to them. Our journey involves learning to navigate social situations, opening up, and sharing experiences. By asking our kids questions and genuinely listening to their responses, we can discover what brings them joy. Creating a quiet space for them, slowing down, and sharing private moments allows them to feel secure.
We understand that our children observe us closely, and it’s vital they know we stand by them—whether they run to hug us after school or seek solitude at home after an exhausting day. They need reassurance that we love and accept them for who they truly are.
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Summary:
This article explores the journey of a parent learning to support her introverted daughter, emphasizing the importance of understanding and nurturing introversion in a world dominated by extroversion. The author shares personal insights and strategies for fostering communication and emotional resilience in introverted children while highlighting the significance of creating safe spaces for them to express themselves.