Updated: June 24, 2020
Originally Published: March 27, 2016
Have you ever taken a moment to reflect honestly on your regrets? Have you ever cataloged the things you wish you had not said or done? Or perhaps the words left unspoken when you had the chance?
My childhood was fraught with challenges. Experiences of abuse led me down a dark path filled with anger and resentment, making gratitude feel like a foreign concept reserved for those with seemingly perfect lives. However, as an adult who has embraced forgiveness, I have come to understand the reasons behind these feelings.
Years of therapy allowed me to identify pivotal moments in my life that guided me toward a healthier mindset. One such moment involved my Aunt Clara, a woman I met only once, yet our brief encounter profoundly influenced my understanding of humanity.
During a particularly difficult period in my youth, I attended a rare family gathering where Aunt Clara, illuminated by sunlight streaming through the windows, smiled down at me and gifted me a delicate enameled daisy chain bracelet. There were no strings attached—just an act of kindness that illuminated my dark world.
I cherished that bracelet until, regrettably, it was lost amid my many moves. I became fixated on finding a replacement, scouring vintage shops, eBay, and Etsy, driven by the desire to express my gratitude for her kindness. I wanted to let her know that not all adults are malevolent, that there are good people who give selflessly.
Three decades passed, and although Aunt Clara crossed my mind occasionally, I never reached out to thank her. Then, one day while driving, I received the devastating news that she had passed away. Overcome with regret, I realized that I had squandered 30 years without expressing my gratitude for her impact on my life. This experience became a poignant lesson in the weight of unexpressed appreciation.
That November, I decided to take action. I began writing thank-you notes—around 15 that year. Some expressed gratitude for significant influences, while others acknowledged small acts of kindness that brightened my days. Coincidentally, during this time, my parents managed to find a similar daisy chain bracelet, reigniting my appreciation for Aunt Clara’s gesture.
Years have passed, and this practice has evolved into a cherished Thanksgiving tradition for me. Last November, I had a stack of about ten cards prepared. One of these was for a close acquaintance, whose insights had greatly influenced my decisions throughout the year. When we discussed the note in our next conversation, he mentioned that it inspired him to express gratitude to others in his life.
Four months later, I spoke with him again on a Friday afternoon. When I asked how he was doing personally, he shared, “You know, for the first time in a long time, I can say I’m really good and grateful. I’m happy with work, my wife is well, and my kids are thriving. They all know I appreciate them.” Tragically, the next day, he was involved in a car accident and succumbed to his injuries later that week.
This loss left me grappling with the mysteries of life. Why do bad things happen? In the midst of my questioning, my husband offered a perspective that resonated deeply: “He was happy, he knew he was loved, and I think he died without regrets.” His words struck me, prompting an urgency to express gratitude without delay. I began writing thank-you notes fervently, determined not to miss another opportunity to acknowledge those who illuminate my life.
This practice not only helps me remain grounded in gratitude but also serves a vital purpose for the recipient. Your words can have a profound impact, no matter how small the gesture. I encourage you to share your gratitude with the world. While social media gratitude days are a good start, personal thank-you notes and direct expressions of appreciation can ward off the regret of unspoken words.
This article originally appeared on March 27, 2016.
In summary, gratitude is a powerful tool for emotional well-being, transforming our outlook and strengthening connections with others. Engaging in the practice of expressing appreciation can prevent the sorrow of unvoiced sentiments and foster a culture of kindness.