The day of high school orientation, I had my eldest son, Jake, and his friend Alex over for a sleepover. We attended a seminar together and toured their new, sprawling high school. I didn’t know Alex well; he seemed reserved, so I didn’t overwhelm him with questions.
As we walked back to the car, we passed a group of students chatting. One boy, clearly friendly, stopped and greeted Alex by name. To my shock, Alex responded with a disdainful look, made a strange noise, and laughed in the boy’s face. The boy was visibly embarrassed, unsure of how to react to such rudeness.
I felt a wave of frustration. Although Alex wasn’t my child, he was under my watch for the moment and I felt responsible for his behavior. My instinct was to call him out right then and there in front of everyone, but I quickly realized that shaming him wouldn’t help anyone.
Instead, I greeted the friendly boy and asked how he was doing to ease the tension. Once we were in the car, Jake preemptively told me, “Mom, please don’t say anything.” He knew I was about to address Alex’s behavior, which he found uncomfortable.
I admit, it was tough to remain calm in the face of such blatant unkindness. I worried about what this behavior meant for Alex when there were no adults around. I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out, and I began to reconsider my son’s friendship with him.
“What was that all about?” I asked Alex. “That boy went out of his way to say hello, and you responded by being rude. That must have hurt his feelings.” Alex just stared at me, silent.
“How would you feel if someone did that to you?” I pressed. When he still didn’t respond, I added, “Being a teenager is hard. You should treat each other kindly. A simple ‘hello’ back would have been much easier than what you did.”
“Yeah, I guess,” he finally mumbled. “I just don’t know him. We just met in the group, and now he thinks we’re friends.”
“Oh, how terrible to make a new friend,” I replied sarcastically, attempting to lighten the mood with a laugh. I addressed him as “dude” to keep it casual, hoping to convey my message without overwhelming him with my feelings.
“Okay, Mom,” Jake said, clearly annoyed and wanting to move on. We were all a bit uncomfortable that day, but I hoped addressing Alex’s behavior would prompt him to reflect on it and avoid repeating it. I wanted him to think twice before belittling someone in public again.
Parenting your own kids is a challenge, but it’s hard to resist stepping in when you see another child misbehaving. Witnessing unkindness or reckless behavior is reason enough to speak up constructively. If I see a child being unkind, I believe it’s my duty to address it in a way they can understand. Ignoring such behavior only allows it to fester.
If my child were being rude, I would want someone to step in and remind them of the importance of kindness. Too often, we overlook bad behavior because we’re too busy or unsure of how to intervene. Leaving the responsibility solely to teachers and other parents isn’t fair, especially since they can’t always be present to address issues.
If we all took a moment to intervene, fewer kids would feel entitled to act unkindly. They would learn empathy and accountability, ultimately making the world a better place. Even the most put-together parents will find themselves in tough spots, needing support.
If you witness unkindness, don’t hesitate to speak up. There’s no reason to let someone endure mistreatment without addressing the bully. Unkind behavior deserves to be confronted, but it can be done with compassion.
I’m not sure if my words resonated with Alex that day, but I do know he hasn’t behaved that way around me since. Jake’s immediate understanding of my intent shows I’m setting a positive example for my kids.
Does this mean my children are perfect? Absolutely not. Kids, even the well-behaved ones, can display less-than-ideal behavior when they think no one is watching. They’re still learning, as are we all. It’s crucial to gently remind them of their potential to do better.
Ultimately, a collective effort from the community can create a safer and more nurturing environment for our kids to flourish.
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Summary
The article discusses a parent’s experience addressing the rude behavior of their teen’s friend during a school orientation. The author emphasizes the importance of speaking up against unkindness in children, advocating for a community approach to teaching empathy and accountability. It’s a reminder that even small interventions can lead to positive change.