When it comes to topics of conversation, how often do you find yourself wanting to discuss “male anatomy”? Not for personal interest, mind you, but purely as a subject matter? I’d wager most of us would rank this very low on our list of desirable discussions.
While it can be amusing to read about online, the reality of discussing such topics—especially with educators and school staff—can feel like you’re being judged for your parenting choices. One glance at their faces often says, “He must have learned this from you, didn’t he?”
Now, I consider myself a decent conversationalist, likely in the top tier. I have a variety of interests and enjoy discussing many topics, but “penises” certainly isn’t one of them. For instance, I find it incredibly tedious to engage in conversations about Pokémon with my young son, as I have no grasp of what’s happening in his world of trading cards or animated series.
Inevitably, the conversation about private parts arose as part of raising a boy. One day, during a school bathroom break, my son decided to expose himself, coinciding with a teacher’s unexpected entrance. This incident sent shockwaves through the school, resulting in a special meeting with his teacher and his mother to address behavioral expectations—a conversation I never anticipated having.
As a parent, I genuinely want my son to learn to follow rules and respect others. This includes understanding that showing his anatomy is not acceptable. After a few discussions during bath time about what is appropriate, it became clear that my previous efforts had not taken hold.
So, I decided to revisit the topic. Here’s how it unfolded:
The Important Conversation
Me: “Do you know what a penis is?”
5-year-old: “No.”
Me: “What do you call your privates?”
5-year-old: “Privates.”
Me: “And what else?”
5-year-old: “My peep.”
Me: “Exactly! Just like we say ‘toot’ instead of ‘fart’ because it sounds nicer, we use ‘peep’ instead of ‘penis.’ Can you say ‘penis’?”
5-year-old: “Pee-nis.”
Me: “Great job! Now, do you remember getting in trouble at school?”
5-year-old: “Yes.”
Me: “What happened?”
5-year-old: “I didn’t follow directions.”
Me: “Right! Can you tell me what you did?”
5-year-old: “I did unpublic things. In public.”
Me: “Unpublic? What unpublic thing did you do?”
5-year-old: “I showed my privates.”
Me: “And why did you do that?”
5-year-old: “Because everybody was goofing around.”
Me: “But was anyone else showing their privates?”
5-year-old: “No.”
Me: “Just you then. So, can you tell me when it’s okay to show your penis?”
5-year-old: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Think! When do you usually take your pants off?”
5-year-old: “When I go potty.”
Me: “Exactly! And when else?”
5-year-old: “When I’m taking a bath.”
Me: “Perfect! And one more time.”
5-year-old: “When I’m changing clothes.”
Me: “Exactly. Now, why can’t you show your penis to people?”
5-year-old: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Because it’s private. It’s just for you. If Daddy showed his penis outside, he would go to jail. Do you want that?”
5-year-old: “No!”
Me: “What kind of people go to jail?”
5-year-old: “Robbers.”
Me: “Yes, and also bad guys. Do you know anyone else who goes to jail?”
5-year-old: “No.”
Me: “Good! Remember, it’s okay to show your penis to just yourself. If someone asks you to show it, what do you say?”
5-year-old: “Don’t do it.”
Me: “What if an adult asks?”
5-year-old: “Don’t do it.”
Me: “Exactly! And if someone tries to show you theirs?”
5-year-old: “I’ll tell them to hide it!”
Me: “Good job! Are you going to show anyone your penis again?”
5-year-old: “No, I promise!”
And there you have it! I’ve hopefully instilled some understanding in my son about keeping his privates private. While he may grow to be a little quirky and perhaps overly cautious, at least we can avoid further discussions about anatomy in the future.
For more insights on parenting, you can check out this excellent resource on artificial insemination and read about fatherhood in Jake Miller’s perspective. Also, if you’re interested in parenting and family planning, don’t forget to explore our other blog post on home insemination kits.
Summary:
In a humorous yet serious discussion, a father shares how he addressed his son’s inappropriate behavior regarding nudity. Through a straightforward dialogue, he helps his son understand the importance of privacy and the appropriate contexts for being undressed. By emphasizing the private nature of one’s body and establishing clear boundaries, he aims to guide his son towards respectful behavior.