There was a time when my son and I effortlessly communicated. During his childhood, we shared tears over Steve leaving for college on Blues Clues and belted out the catchy theme from Bear in the Big Blue House. Our walks were often interrupted by his enthusiastic greetings to construction workers, whom he dubbed the Mighty Machines. Though I sometimes fantasized about zoning out during yet another episode of The Wiggles, looking back now brings a smile to my face.
Fast forward to today, and my little boy has transformed into a tall teenager with a voice that deepens daily. While I gaze at him with a mix of wonder and melancholy, I realize our conversations have changed drastically. Now I find myself stifling yawns as he passionately discusses online gaming, detailing everything from Team Fortress II to his Steam backpack items. As a self-proclaimed geek, I thought I could connect with him, but gaming isn’t exactly my forte.
In my efforts to bond, I attempted to introduce him to Star Trek and Doctor Who, dreaming of spirited debates over who portrayed The Doctor best (and yes, David Tennant is the answer). When it became clear that Daleks weren’t his thing, I pivoted to dystopian dramas like The Walking Dead, even reading the comics to prepare. After all, teenage boys are supposed to enjoy comics, right? Yet he found more excitement watching YouTube tutorials on Skyrim than engaging with any zombie apocalypse.
When my son sang “Three Green and Speckled Frogs” as a toddler, I marveled at his beautiful voice. Now, as he navigates the eye-rolling phase of adolescence, I thought music might bridge the gap. I pulled out Radiohead’s Pablo Honey, convinced that “Creep” would resonate with him. After all, it’s a classic anthem of teenage angst:
But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.
I should have realized that blasting “Creep,” donning my old flannel shirt, and belting it out would not garner the connection I envisioned. Instead, he doubled over with laughter, imploring me never to sing like that in public again. Reflecting on that moment, I could see how my 40-year-old self passionately singing about unrequited love might have seemed completely absurd to him.
Despite our differing interests, I found solace in our solid relationship. We often ventured into TMI territory as he updated me on his changing body, proving that at least in the realm of sex education, I had maintained open lines of communication. I wanted to teach him about safe practices, like how to use a condom, and how oral sex is still sex.
In discussions with friends whose children have successfully reached adulthood, I learned that during this stage, teenagers often need space, but they tend to come back in their 20s with a newfound appreciation for their parents’ wisdom. Feeling resigned to years of different vocabularies, I unexpectedly discovered a common ground while preparing his favorite meal: macaroni and cheese.
During one of his frequent kitchen raids, he leaned in to snag some cheese I was grating and stole a quick kiss. This prompted a conversation about the ingredients in his favorite dish, and I seized the moment to suggest that he learn to cook before heading off to college. He recognized that living on ramen wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable without my cooking.
Although he doesn’t join me in the kitchen every night, he often takes on the role of sous chef. We chat about his day and reminisce about family memories while cooking together. As I explain the impact of different spices and the importance of not mixing up baking soda with baking powder, I realize we’ve come back together.
Throughout this journey, I learned that I didn’t need some elaborate scheme to strengthen our bond; I simply had to continue being his mom.
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Summary:
Navigating the teenage years with my son has been a journey filled with challenges and discoveries. While our shared interests have evolved, I found that through cooking and open communication, we could reconnect. Instead of forcing commonalities, I embraced our unique relationship as mother and son, proving that love and understanding can bridge any gap.