On the final day of a graduate English course, we were tasked with sharing our career aspirations in front of a large audience. One classmate rambled about High German linguistics. Another delved into the works of Michael Field, an aunt-niece duo known for their unusual poetry. Yet, one presentation stood out. Sarah boldly declared her intention to abandon the academic grind to embrace motherhood and manage an organic farm.
Her statement left us stunned. In that moment, Sarah seemed to flout everything feminism had instilled in us: maximize your potential, break barriers, and prove that women can achieve whatever men do. The notion of staying home to raise children was, in our eyes, a betrayal of feminist ideals.
Interestingly, I found myself on a similar path. After stepping away from my Ph.D. program, I dedicated my time to raising my son, eventually expanding my family to three boys in just four years. Instead of engaging in discussions about Foucault or Chomsky, I now juggle household chores, homeschool my children, and indulge in science experiments using repurposed materials. My attire has shifted from tailored skirts to comfortable yoga pants and bohemian dresses.
Like many stay-at-home mothers, I feel marginalized by contemporary feminism. The movement often overlooks the significance of child-rearing and the myriad responsibilities that accompany it. Activities like diaper changing, cooking, and teaching the alphabet lack recognition and respect. Even breastfeeding, which could be celebrated as a unique female experience, is viewed by some as a constraint, as noted by sources like the Huffington Post, which argue that it reinforces traditional gender roles.
Caregiving often dwells in the shadows, associated with roles traditionally held by women—nannies, nurses, and homemakers—who need empowerment to discover their true passions. The prevailing sentiment is that we should aspire to more than nurturing others. How could anyone find fulfillment in such work? This mindset is fundamentally at odds with the happiness we derive from our choices.
Moreover, feminism often suggests that we are squandering our talents by engaging in caregiving. Simple pleasures like reading to children or making grilled cheese sandwiches are deemed unworthy of our education and skills. The implication is that society has duped us into believing that motherhood is a fulfilling choice, when in reality, it should be seen as a sacrifice—one that few could genuinely desire.
I resonate with Sarah’s sentiment and have found contentment in my choices. I didn’t stumble into this role; I embraced it willingly. Yet, the perception persists that my daily tasks are trivial and that anyone can take on these responsibilities. This notion undervalues the complexity and skill involved in homeschooling and parenting. The assumption that I should delegate my duties to daycare and pursue intellectual endeavors instead is misplaced.
But I’m not interested in outsourcing my parenting. I enjoy this path. I’m not a captive of a bygone era; my choices are deliberate and empowering. Being a stay-at-home mom is as valid a feminist choice as any other. I advocate for breastfeeding, educate other mothers about babywearing, and aspire to take on a leadership role within Attachment Parenting International. I teach homeschool classes and engage in activism—just not in the conventional ways recognized by mainstream feminism.
Having been a feminist during my academic years, I continue to identify as one today. I refuse to abandon this label simply because others may question my choices. I claim feminism for myself and for all mothers who consciously decide to prioritize caregiving in a society that often devalues both the act of nurturing and the children we raise.
If feminism is about making choices and living authentically, then we are undoubtedly feminists. While some days may test our patience, and we might fantasize about escaping to Las Vegas, we find joy in our decisions. Ultimately, this is the essence of feminism.
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Summary
This article challenges the idea that stay-at-home mothers are undervalued within the feminist movement. It emphasizes that the choices made by mothers to prioritize caregiving and family should be celebrated as valid expressions of feminism. The author reflects on personal experiences and asserts the importance of recognizing caregiving as a fulfilling and empowering role.