Recently, my mother underwent a three-week stay at a rehabilitation facility in Florida following an injury. The building resembled a long, low concrete block structure reminiscent of military barracks. During her stay, she was paired with a roommate suffering from Alzheimer’s, who constantly moaned in discomfort. My mother often found herself unable to summon help for basic needs, like using the bathroom or getting a glass of water. At times, she resorted to calling the front desk on her cellphone or simply waiting for my dad or me to arrive to assist her.
Twice while I visited, the nurse delivered pain medication in only half the prescribed dosage, raising suspicions about potential mismanagement among the staff. It was a distressing experience, and my mother has since requested extreme measures rather than return to such an environment.
This predicament places me, as an only child, in a difficult position. Currently, my parents are managing, but their health concerns loom large. Living eight hours away without a car and juggling the responsibilities of being the primary caregiver for two young children complicates matters even further. Daily, I ponder, “What will we do when they require more extensive care?”
This dilemma is at the heart of Ai-jen Poo’s insightful book, The Age of Dignity: Preparing for the Elder Boom in a Changing America. Poo, who directs the Domestic Workers Alliance advocating for the rights of domestic workers, issues a passionate call for the nation to tackle the impending eldercare crisis. As my parents represent the leading edge of the baby boomer generation, projections indicate that one-sixth of the U.S. population will reach age 65 by 2020. Over the next two decades, the number of Americans aged 65 and older is expected to surge from 40 million to 70 million. The pressing question remains: who will assist them with daily chores, cooking, bathing, dressing, and, eventually, skilled nursing care?
Traditionally, women have fulfilled this caregiving role. However, with more women participating in the workforce, providing the daily attention that frail elders require has become increasingly challenging. I have a friend, also a busy parent, who drives two hours every weekend to care for her elderly mother, handling tasks like cleaning and meal preparation. Recently, she removed the knobs from her mother’s stove after a dishtowel caught fire. “She’s not ready for a nursing home, but she really shouldn’t be living alone,” my friend shared. This balancing act has taken a toll on her marriage and finances, leaving little room for quality time with her children. Unfortunately, they cannot afford a paid caregiver, and insurance does not cover minimal daily assistance.
I initially anticipated that The Age of Dignity would highlight the eldercare issue without providing tangible solutions. However, to my surprise, Poo presents various actionable strategies. Among them is the concept of “time banks,” allowing individuals to log hours spent caring for local elders, which can be redeemed for care for their own parents across the country. The most ambitious proposal involves a significant public-works initiative comparable to historical federal projects like the interstate highway system or the Defense Department’s investment in the internet. Poo argues that such transformative initiatives not only enhance lives but also invigorate the economy.
Critics may contend that these investments yield tangible results, yet Poo compellingly argues that effective caregiving can save costs (in-home care is more affordable than nursing homes) and generate revenue (fair wages for caregivers stimulate the economy). This is a concern that resonates across political lines.
Many share a common fear regarding the care of aging parents and themselves. The reality is that only those with considerable wealth can ensure the kind of compassionate, community-based assistance available to citizens in countries like Germany or Japan. The rest of us are left hoping we never require even a moment of help or, worse, wishing for drastic measures.
A key challenge in addressing care work—often invisible, primarily performed by women, and disproportionately by immigrants and women of color—is mobilizing the political will to take action. Poo metaphorically describes this effort as encouraging couples to dance: one brave couple takes the lead, inspiring others to join in. Aging, she asserts, is a blessing, not a source of dread.
In summary, navigating the complexities of eldercare as an only child can be overwhelming, especially with the realities of distance and personal obligations. Yet, resources like Poo’s The Age of Dignity provide hope and actionable insights for families facing similar challenges. For anyone interested in further exploring topics related to pregnancy and home insemination, you can also check out this resource. For additional insights on health breakthroughs, visit here.