The moment I learned I was having a son was overshadowed by a grim event in American history: the release of George Zimmerman, the man responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death, on bail. It was a stark reminder that hatred and ignorance can ensnare anyone, including innocent children.
Before that day, I was a staunch feminist. As a woman of color, I embraced the womanist insights of Alice Walker and Delores Williams. I participated in campaigns for equal pay and supported organizations like Planned Parenthood. Having grown up in a family led by a single working mother, my perspective was firmly rooted in advocating for women.
But everything shifted the day I welcomed my son into the world. Initially, like any parent, my thoughts were filled with hopes for his future. I pondered the challenges he might face and the person he would become—would he be athletic, funny, or sensitive? However, as I envisioned his path, I realized that raising a boy comes with its own set of societal challenges and expectations.
I had always thought that raising a son meant instilling in him the values of respect and equality for women. I aimed to teach him about the beauty and significance of women in society. What I didn’t grasp fully was that boys, too, require affirmation of their own worth and rights. They must also navigate their journey towards equality. This realization fundamentally reshaped my understanding of feminism.
While shopping at my local Target for my son’s first set of “big boy underwear,” I encountered something that struck me deeply. The boys’ section was significantly smaller than the girls’ section, often understocked and picked over. In that moment, it became clear to me that the conversation around feminism must include an examination of masculinity and the emotional struggles boys face. The real adversaries of women are not all men, but rather those who adhere to misguided notions of manhood. Consequently, I found myself becoming an advocate not just for women, but for boys, starting with my own.
Boys grapple with issues such as eating disorders—25% of anorexia and bulimia cases are diagnosed in males. They also face higher rates of suicide and tend to drop out of school more frequently than girls. I realized that I had previously normalized these problems, but when I looked at my son, they became deeply troubling.
In talking with male friends, I discovered that many had experienced sexual assault or harassment, revealing gaps in their understanding of consent and personal boundaries. This lack of awareness extends to boys raised by single mothers, emphasizing the importance of nurturing our sons’ emotional well-being as much as we do for our daughters.
One of the most crucial lessons I learned as a mother is to allow my son to express his emotions freely. I strive to create a space where he can be sad, angry, or frustrated without feeling pressured to “suck it up.” Encouraging him to take a moment to process his feelings helps instill a sense of emotional responsibility. I also empower him to assert his personal boundaries, whether that means refusing a hug or speaking up if he feels uncomfortable.
Ultimately, my journey as a mother to a son has taught me that feminism and a commitment to supporting men are intertwined. I cannot advocate for one without acknowledging the other. It’s crucial to raise boys who feel secure in their identities without resorting to toxic masculinity. Boys who are nurtured in love and respect will not seek validation through dominance over others; they will become leaders who stand for equality.
As a feminist, I understand that uplifting our daughters goes hand in hand with uplifting the boys they will encounter. I’m focused on guiding my son in this journey.
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In summary, becoming a mother to a son has profoundly affected my understanding of feminism. It has emphasized the necessity of including men’s emotional health in the conversation about gender equality and the importance of nurturing boys to become empathetic and compassionate individuals.