Parenting is no easy task. We’re tasked with nurturing happy, healthy, morally grounded, intelligent, and successful children, often without having fully mastered these qualities ourselves. It’s a journey filled with on-the-job training, and I entered into it as unprepared as anyone else.
However, I’ve discovered a simple yet powerful question that has significantly eased my parenting journey while simultaneously enhancing my character. This question subtly activates my moral sense and integrates years of personal development. Almost every time I ask it, I find clarity in making difficult decisions.
The question is: What advice would I give my children?
My kids challenge me to consider this question countless times each day. For example, when my toddler son picks his nose for the umpteenth time, I gently remind him, “Keep your fingers out of your nose,” because I know it spreads germs and is generally unacceptable behavior. When my daughter playfully prods her baby brother after I’ve already asked her to stop, I send her to her room to help her understand the importance of listening and managing her impulses.
I strive to impart lessons about kindness, setting boundaries, and the value of hard work through everyday experiences. But what happens when I face life’s challenges, which seem to arise almost daily? My actions are essentially on display for my children to observe.
I’ve learned that my kids will emulate my behavior rather than simply adhering to my words. To give them the best chance at navigating the world, I must lead by example. When I need to make choices in my own life, I envision myself advising my future adult children and ask, What would I tell them to do?
If a stressful work email arrives on a Friday evening, would I encourage my grown daughter to obsess over it while her family is trying to enjoy game night? Or would I suggest she take a jog, mentally set the email aside, and revisit it with a fresh perspective on Monday? Naturally, I would lean towards the latter, but not too long ago, I might have chosen the former.
If my son pursued a passion but faced initial setbacks, would I tell him to give up after the first try? Or would I urge him to set goals, persevere, and learn from his failures? Clearly, I’d want him to keep pushing forward and find growth in adversity. This reflective process began when I started asking myself, What would I advise my children?
As I reflect on my past, I recognize both commendable choices and those I wouldn’t recommend for my children. Now, when confronted with the choice between positivity and negativity, maturity and childishness, or kindness and carelessness, I take a moment to think, What would I tell my kids to do? More often than not, the right answer becomes clear. While I don’t achieve perfection, none of us do, and modeling that realization is essential.
I realize my children may not always listen, but I hope they are paying attention.
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Summary
Parenting is a challenging yet rewarding journey. By regularly asking myself what advice I would give my children, I find clarity in my decisions and improve my character. This reflective practice helps me lead by example, guiding my children through my actions while encouraging them to learn and grow.