How delightful! The organizers of the Cannes Film Festival have taken it upon themselves to teach women about elegance. They have mandated that any woman attending a red carpet event must wear high heels. Yes, you read that right: Women, including the elderly and those unwell, were turned away from screenings if they dared to show up in flats. How generous of the festival to ensure we women arrive in style, as if a woman can only exude sophistication while precariously balanced on four inches of uncomfortable footwear.
I can confess to being a fan of shoes, high heels included, but let’s be real—heels are not only uncomfortable but also impractical. Living in Los Angeles, where a long walk can mean the distance from the valet to my table, I wear heels because I rarely have to walk any distance in them. Drop me in a city where walking is a necessity, and you’ll see me in my ballet flats faster than you can say, “Jimmy Choo.” At a film festival where standing for hours is the norm, you can bet I’ll opt for chic, appropriate flats instead.
It occurred to me that the Cannes organizers probably wouldn’t impose this heel requirement if they had ever experienced the discomfort of wearing them themselves. If those arbiters of style had ever tried to navigate the Palais in a pair of Manolos, they might have a different perspective—a decidedly more grounded one.
Items Men Should Experience
In fact, there are plenty of women’s clothing items that no man would ever advocate for if he experienced them firsthand. Here’s a short list:
- Spanx: Any man wanting his partner to achieve a smooth silhouette should have to wear Spanx for an evening. While they may smooth out curves, they also constrict and make you feel like a sausage. Let’s be honest: “chubby” is a better choice than “can’t breathe.”
- Underwire Bras: It’s high time someone invented a bra for men’s anatomy, complete with underwire. Men could then understand what it’s like to endure the discomfort of wire digging into sensitive areas all day. Plus, they’d get to experience the joys of, shall we say, “bra fat.”
- Dresses: Who decided that women’s clothing should be so breezy? Men could benefit from the easy access of a dress, especially given their frequent adjustments and the need to stand when using the restroom.
- Makeup: Every man should try mascara at least once to grasp why women tire of makeup. By day’s end, he might discover that mascara feels more like a cactus in his eye than a beauty aid.
- Skinny Jeans: These should really be labeled children’s clothing, as only kids can fit comfortably in them. Most women barely squeeze into them. Despite the lack of mobility they provide, women endure them. Men should experience the sensation of losing circulation in their calves, just to be fair.
So, thank you to the Cannes Film Festival for dictating women’s fashion choices. Perhaps next year, the likes of Oliver and Jack will find themselves navigating the French Riviera in four-inch heels while sporting a bra for their anatomy. Now that would be an interesting twist at Cannes!
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In summary, the expectation for women to wear high heels at events like Cannes highlights a broader issue of fashion standards that often overlook comfort and practicality. Men, too, should experience the various challenges women face in their attire to foster better understanding and appreciation.