Our family once called a spacious home in a sought-after neighborhood in the suburbs of Seattle our own. Like many American families, we enjoyed the convenience of a modern refrigerator equipped with a filtered water dispenser right on the door.
One day, while filling my glass, I found myself grumbling, “Ugh, this is so slow. It takes forever to fill up!” The absurdity of my complaint hit me hard. Here I was, lamenting the fact that a seemingly endless stream of clean, cold water was taking longer than I wanted to pour. How ridiculous!
I felt a rush of embarrassment. I’m the one who has taught my children to appreciate the essentials like food and clean water. I’ve shared with them that millions of people globally lack access to safe drinking water, let alone the luxury of having it dispensed at the touch of a button. And yet, there I was, whining about the speed of my water dispenser.
Those of us in developed countries often fail to recognize how trivial our complaints can sound. While I caught myself that time, I know I’ve grumbled about trivial matters in the past. My kids, too, are often guilty of this, and I realize my husband and I play a part in setting that tone. We strive to lead by example, but we occasionally falter.
Our children are growing up in an affluent, middle-class environment. We have food stocked in our pantry, a dependable car, and the means to repair our heating system when needed. Although we’re not wealthy by American standards—frequent thrift store visits and budgeting are part of our lives—we are still quite fortunate on a global scale. In truth, we have no real grounds for complaint.
So when my kids moan about their sibling getting more screen time, or the fact that their favorite cereal has run out, or having to walk farther than they’d like, it’s hard not to lose my patience. I never thought I’d resort to the cliché, “Don’t you know there are children starving in the world?!” But it’s true. There are children facing unimaginable hardships—being trafficked, living in war zones, or struggling to meet their basic needs. It’s disheartening to hear my kids complain about not being able to watch a movie when there are countless kids who would jump at the chance to switch places with them.
I address their complaints directly. I remind them that those of us born in a country where drinkable water is readily accessible have no right to complain when our luxuries don’t meet our expectations. I firmly tell them that I won’t engage in or tolerate first-world whining.
We frequently discuss the value of gratitude and contentment, as well as the importance of helping those less fortunate than ourselves. I also admit that their father and I occasionally slip into complaining, encouraging them to hold us accountable just as we do for them. In our family, we support each other in maintaining awareness about our privileges and expectations.
Since that day when I recognized my own absurd complaint about the water dispenser, I’ve made a conscious effort not to take clean water for granted again. We all need reminders about our privileges and the reality of others, and it’s essential for our children to understand that they are fortunate.
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In summary, it’s crucial to cultivate gratitude and perspective within our families. By calling out superficial complaints and fostering understanding of our privileges, we can help our children appreciate the blessings in their lives and encourage them to act with compassion towards others.