I’m planning to grab lunch with a friend this week—someone I’ve known for nearly three decades, yet I can’t recall the last time we met up. Was it a few months ago? It might have been six months since we last spent time together, but honestly, it doesn’t matter. We don’t keep track of that sort of thing. We connect whenever our schedules permit, typically at our favorite sushi spot, sipping green tea by the window until we have to dash off to pick up our kids. Between our rare hangouts, we hardly text or stay in touch, and that’s perfectly okay with both of us.
I cherish these meetups; the easygoing nature of our friendship is incredibly refreshing. There’s no pressure to be in constant contact. If I invite her to an event and she can’t make it, there are no hard feelings—we’ll catch up whenever we can. I know that if I found myself in a tough spot, she’d be there to listen without judgment, and vice versa.
In the meantime, we revel in our infrequent dinners, discussing everything from fashion trends to life updates, and then we go our separate ways. It never feels burdensome; it feels like a genuine connection.
I have a similar bond with my neighbor. We occasionally help each other out by giving rides to our kids, but beyond that, we don’t chat much. Just knowing that we’re there for each other provides a sense of comfort.
These kinds of relationships are everywhere. My esthetician is a riot, and we bond over the challenges of raising teenage daughters during my appointments. My hairdresser once gave me the most uplifting pep talk before my first date after separating from my partner. It was impactful, perhaps because she offered a perspective different from that of my closest friends or family. A former colleague recently introduced me to a fantastic podcast that I now can’t get enough of.
Some might dismiss these connections as mere acquaintances, assuming they could do without them, but they underestimate the impact such relationships can have on our lives. Mark Granovetter, a sociologist who studies friendship, refers to these as “weak ties.” He shared with the New York Times that these relationships can enhance our sense of connection, empathy, and reduce feelings of loneliness.
Just because someone isn’t a central figure in our lives doesn’t mean they lack influence. Research suggests that the more low-pressure friendships we cultivate, the happier we become, especially as we age and our responsibilities increase. Our energy levels, too, aren’t what they used to be.
As I navigate midlife, I sometimes tell myself I don’t have time for casual friendships, and the thought of small talk can make me cringe. However, when I consider how dull life would be without my laid-back friends, it becomes clear that they add meaning and joy. These are the people, like the friendly cashier at the grocery store who has been bagging my items for years, or the staff at my local café who occasionally treat me to a free beverage. They would be sorely missed.
Sometimes, just stepping outside and chatting with someone about the weather can lift your spirits. There’s something comforting about connecting with a familiar face, even if they don’t know you well. These interactions can lead to stronger bonds, and who knows if the person sitting nearby at your child’s baseball game could become a close friend, help you find your dream job, or even introduce you to someone special?
The more “weak ties” we have, the better our chances are of leading a fulfilling life. So, take a moment to check in with your favorite waitress, strike up a conversation with a fellow parent at school, or chat with your neighbor more often. You never know what could come from it; at the very least, you’ll likely feel more connected, which is always a positive thing.
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In summary, low-pressure friendships enrich our lives in ways we often overlook. From casual acquaintances to unexpected connections, these relationships provide comfort and joy, reminding us that we’re never truly alone.