Help your child steer clear of this frustrating behavior.
By Jordan Blake
May 2, 2022
There are few things more irritating than a mansplainer—be it a partner who thinks he knows better, a colleague who talks over women, or a stranger on an ego trip. Although the term “mansplaining” emerged around 2008, the behavior itself has long been ingrained in our culture. Thankfully, awareness of how it impacts women and girls has grown in recent years. So, what steps can you take as a parent if your kind-hearted son starts to exhibit these tendencies?
Before you envision your sweet boy as ‘that guy’ in a corporate environment two decades down the line, take a deep breath. It’s normal for children, regardless of gender, to go through a “know-it-all” phase, as psychologists explain. This phase typically passes, giving you ample opportunities to guide your son towards assertive yet respectful communication as he matures.
Understanding the Roots of Overconfidence
“It’s typical for young children (ages 4 to 8) to overestimate their knowledge and abilities,” says Dr. Emily Carter, a developmental psychologist at a local university. “Since their brains are still developing, kids may not remember how they acquired certain information. Many studies have shown this overconfidence in children as young as preschoolers, and they usually grow out of it.”
Dr. Carter adds, “Interrupting and asserting themselves to prove a point is common among children of all genders, and it’s often just a phase.” While young kids might not be capable of ‘mansplaining’ in the adult sense, boys do absorb communication patterns and societal norms from their surroundings.
Distinguishing Between Excitement and Competition
How can you ensure your son’s eagerness to share doesn’t morph into intrusive behavior? Fortunately, there are several strategies to nurture his curiosity while promoting respectful communication. First, it’s essential to distinguish between genuine excitement about learning something new (a “Did you know?” moment) and a desire to dominate a conversation (a “Well, actually…” moment).
“It’s natural for children to be thrilled about sharing what they’ve learned,” notes Dr. Mia Thompson, a child psychologist based in San Francisco. “They often express this excitement in an impatient manner, which is typical for their developmental stage. As parents, we have the opportunity to model more cooperative ways of sharing knowledge.”
You can encourage genuine excitement by joining in on your son’s enthusiasm and adding your own insights respectfully. For those “well, actually” instances, avoid giving attention to the behavior or responding with your own corrections. Instead, reframe it as a learning opportunity: “Hmm, I’m not sure about that, but I see it’s important to you. Want to explore it together?”
Fostering a Positive Environment
Dr. Thompson suggests acknowledging your child’s enthusiasm while reminding him that others may also have valuable insights to share. Encourage listening skills by reinforcing turn-taking during conversations, whether at home or in public. You might even turn this into a fun “taking turns” game, rewarding your child for listening patiently.
Keeping the atmosphere positive is vital to prevent your son from feeling shame about how he communicates. Avoid using the term ‘mansplaining,’ as it reinforces negative stereotypes. Instead, opt for neutral language like “enthusiastic explaining” or “difficulty sharing the floor.” This approach helps build a positive self-image while teaching more considerate communication strategies.
Dr. Carter emphasizes the importance of allowing boys to express vulnerability. Let your son know it’s okay not to have all the answers and that curiosity and exploration are what make learning enjoyable.
Recognizing When It Becomes Mansplaining
If your son consistently interrupts others or focuses on proving himself right as he grows older, consider discussing the concept of sexism and its broader implications. This conversation can help your child understand how such behavior affects everyone.
Set clear expectations about respectful communication and listening. If you notice your son’s behavior leans toward interrupting girls specifically, point out this pattern and emphasize the value of women’s perspectives. Expose him to positive male role models and strong female figures in media to reinforce respectful communication.
Encourage him to ask questions and genuinely listen to others, as these skills are foundational for respectful interactions in any relationship.
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Summary:
To help your sons avoid ‘mansplaining,’ focus on nurturing their communication skills by distinguishing between excitement and competitive behavior. Encourage positive interactions, reinforce listening skills, and model respectful communication. Create an environment where vulnerability is accepted, enabling your child to grow into a confident, considerate individual.