In fourth grade, my husband, Alex, was a fashion standout. Drawing inspiration from popular culture, he donned stylish pink shirts paired with crisp white blazers, well-tailored sweaters, and impeccably fitted jeans. Each morning, he would spend time styling his hair to perfection and, no doubt, practicing his signature swagger. He enjoyed the company of girls, sang in a boys’ choir, and exuded a certain bravado that made him feel great about being a 10-year-old.
However, not everyone appreciated Alex’s flair. Some boys in his class, seeing only a confident kid who loved pink and socializing with girls, felt compelled to bring him down a peg. They would confront him on the playground, shouting insults and sometimes shoving him. Yet, Alex remained unfazed. When teased with comments like, “Nice shirt,” he would simply respond, “Thanks, I like it too,” and return to his friends, fully embracing his unique style.
Fast forward three decades, and we now have a 9-year-old son, Liam, who also loves pink, music, and spending time with girls. Unfortunately, he is much more sensitive than Alex ever was.
Liam’s first encounter with bullying came at a tender age of 3 or 4 when he wore a Tinker Bell costume at his babysitter’s house. While playing joyfully with two girls, a mother showed up, exclaiming, “Why is that boy in a dress?” The babysitter, with perfect poise, replied, “He’s having a great time!” But the mother continued, attempting to shield her daughters as if they might catch something from Liam. Thankfully, the babysitter reassured him, saying, “Embrace it, I’m sure.”
Until that moment, Liam had no idea that wearing a dress could be stigmatized. However, after hearing the mother’s remarks, he inquired about it later. While I struggled to contain my anger, I can’t remember exactly what words I used to comfort him, but he continued to express himself through dress-up, channeling Tinker Bell for some time, so I must have said something right.
Since then, Liam has faced bullying for stepping outside traditional gender norms from peers. I’ve witnessed history repeating itself, but now with a child who is more sensitive to others’ opinions. He’s been called names for speaking in a “nerdy” way, ridiculed for playing with girls, and even teased about his pink shirt.
Unlike his father, Liam doesn’t naturally defend himself, so it’s crucial that we provide him with scripts and strategies to cope. He knows to raise his hand and say, “Stop.” After several months of enduring bullying without reporting it, he learned he can and should tell a teacher if he’s being kicked under the table. Most importantly, he has come to understand the value of avoiding those who drain his confidence or individuality.
Fortunately, Liam is mostly surrounded by friends who accept and love him for who he is. His best friend is a girl, and we live in a community that generally supports his choices. Yet, I worry that outside influences have begun to change him. He no longer wears pink, opting instead for gray, blue, and black, while he channels his creativity into designing sparkly dresses for paper dolls at home.
As parents, we must instill in our children the understanding that diminishing another child’s spirit is unacceptable. Empowering our kids to embrace their individuality is essential, but so is teaching them to respect the choices of others.
Liam’s first bully was a parent—a mother whose children absorbed her prejudices. Our kids are always watching and listening, and we have the opportunity to demonstrate what acceptance truly means.
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In summary, navigating the challenges of bullying requires a balance of empowerment and respect. We must encourage our children to stand firm in their identities while fostering an environment of acceptance for others.