Every holiday season, GOOP releases its infamous gift guide, showcasing extravagant items that often leave us wondering about the realities of wealth. This year, they introduced a section specifically for couples called The Lover Gift Guide, and it’s just as peculiar as it sounds. You know that slightly uncomfortable feeling when someone refers to their partner as “lover”? That’s the essence of this gift guide distilled into an array of bizarre offerings.
Let’s dive into the highlights!
Fur Oil for Pubic Hair – $39
This product, crafted from grapeseed and jojoba oils, promises to soften and condition. With tea tree oil for its antimicrobial benefits, it’s marketed for use in a rather intimate area. The straightforward labeling is almost as romantic as the idea of applying something named “fur oil” to your nether regions.
A-Cup Pillow – $295
This hand-knit pillow, shaped like a breast and filled with buckwheat hulls, raises eyebrows. Who needs a breast-shaped pillow? Not even during the post-breastfeeding phase did my chest resemble a singular square form.
Bang Plate – $80
The caption simply states, “Bang plates. Get it?” Sadly, I don’t, and I’m left puzzled by the humor.
Seletti Toilet Paper Little Butt Table – $416.25
This quirky table features a cheeky design involving a playing card and a rear end. At this price, one might question the practicality of a table meant for holding toilet paper as a romantic gift.
One Feather Earring – $350
This singular earring is marketed as a statement piece. While it may look chic paired with another earring, the idea of gifting just one is baffling. Who wears a single earring, anyway?
Membership to an Elite Sex Club – Price Unknown
The Snctm club claims to offer an exclusive experience for its members, featuring a lounge and unique indulgences. The notion of gifting a membership to an orgy sounds far-fetched but intriguing. A glimpse into the membership section reveals a world of extravagance; I think I spotted a celebrity or two.
Nightgown – $168
Described as body-flattering, this nightgown appears reminiscent of the tablecloths from a wedding reception. I can’t imagine it being flattering on anyone, but I suppose that’s a subjective view on romance.
Sex Dust – $20
Promoted as an edible formula to boost sexy vibes, it’s suggested to mix with nut milk. Because why not skip the bubbly celebrations for a concoction of almond milk and some odd powder?
With such a selection, choosing a gift from this guide is a real challenge! Will it be the discomfort of tea tree oil, the singular earring, or perhaps a membership to a private club? The options ooze romance… or not.
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In summary, GOOP’s Lover Gift Guide is a collection that blurs the lines between humor and romance, offering items that are more likely to raise eyebrows than passions. With choices ranging from the absurd to the slightly uncomfortable, this guide is a unique take on holiday gifting for couples.