I recently visited a friend, Lisa, after she welcomed her newborn. As I quietly entered her room with flowers, trail mix, and gossip magazines, I noticed her pediatrician questioning her about the pacifier in the baby’s mouth. “I couldn’t continue nursing, and every time I laid him down, he wailed. So, I gave him the pacifier, and he finally drifted off,” she explained.
The doctor replied, “That’s not what you’re supposed to do. Let him cry or nurse him.” The tension in the room was palpable; Lisa’s husband looked tense, and I could see Lisa fighting back tears. I found myself gripping the doorknob tightly—almost bending it. Clearly, they would be seeking a new pediatrician after that encounter.
If the idea of letting your child cry it out doesn’t sit well with you (regardless of their age), then do what you need to do to maintain your peace of mind. If that means holding your baby until they sleep instead of listening to their cries, then so be it. Babies don’t have the words to express their needs; all they can do is cry or fuss. As they grow and develop language skills, you can teach them how to communicate their needs effectively.
For now, give your baby what they want, prioritize your well-being, and ensure you have the energy for yourself and your family. Trust me, everyone will benefit from a more relaxed parent. I gave in to my three kids’ demands whenever they cried, and they turned out to be mostly well-adjusted individuals, so I’d call that a success.
It’s crucial to remember that you’re not spoiling them; they’re not trying to manipulate you. They simply don’t have that capability yet. Comforting them won’t turn them into self-centered adults.
Bedtime is a particularly important time for this philosophy. After a long day, parents often find themselves yearning for a moment of peace by 7 p.m. If giving your child a pacifier, allowing them to sleep in an unconventional spot, or letting them snuggle up next to you while you read or scroll through your phone brings you a little relief, then embrace it. No one should feel guilty about making life easier for themselves and their little ones.
When out in public, I always made it a point to quiet my kids. Sometimes, leaving the grocery store mid-meltdown isn’t an option—especially when you’re in dire need of essentials like toilet paper or coffee. Remember, babies and toddlers often lack the cognitive capacity to articulate their distress, leading to tears. If giving them your phone or a treat keeps them calm and avoids judgmental stares from strangers, then go ahead and bribe them with whatever works. Your sanity is the priority.
While ignoring the crying works for some, if it drives you to the brink, then cater to your baby’s needs. If you have older children, involve them in comforting the younger ones, which can grant you a moment to recharge. Maintaining your mental health is paramount; as the mother, your state of mind sets the tone for the entire household. Do what it takes to keep moving forward, which often means giving your baby whatever they need.
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Summary:
In the whirlwind of parenting, especially with a newborn, the priority should be maintaining your sanity while addressing your baby’s needs. If that means soothing them in any way necessary—whether by holding them, using a pacifier, or allowing unconventional sleeping arrangements—then do it without guilt. Remember, babies cry to express their needs, and meeting those needs will benefit the whole family. Ultimately, your well-being is crucial for a harmonious household.