Growing up, we all encountered them—those mean girls. Perhaps you were targeted by them, or maybe you even found yourself in their ranks. Few girls navigate childhood and adolescence without some impact from this behavior. Just as you think you’ve left it all behind, you discover that mean girls often evolve into mean moms, perpetuating the cycle of cruelty for the next generation. It’s up to us as parents to disrupt this cycle. We must raise compassionate daughters who embrace inclusivity, uplift one another, and refrain from humiliating others. This calls for deliberate and persistent parenting. Many parents remain unaware that they are nurturing mean girls until they discover their child has engaged in hurtful behavior.
Since we all recognize the mean girls from our past—and witness similar behaviors in adult women who seem trapped in their teenage years—our confessional is brimming with stories of mean girl encounters. These accounts include women still grappling with the pain decades later, as well as mothers reliving their own experiences as they see their children face similar treatment.
Confessional Stories
Confessional #25833689: Is there a tactful way to inform someone that “actually, your mom is a mean girl with bad skin,” especially when her kids claim she’s a saint? After 15 years, I’m done with the drama.
Confessional #25750472: I can spot a mean girl from a distance. The girls in my daughter’s third-grade class dress just like their mothers—athleisure wear and messy buns. I’ve told my daughter to respond with kindness. I can’t believe the pettiness starts so young.
Confessional #25815314: My “friend” hasn’t matured past high school. She still behaves like a mean girl, except now she’s just an out-of-touch mom.
Confessional #24726977: Church is rife with mean girls, especially among middle-aged women. I wouldn’t mind as much if their children didn’t hurt my little girl’s feelings. If that happens, my husband and I have agreed to take action.
Confessional #25754595: Realizing that some moms embody mean girl tendencies is like a punch to the gut, dragging you back to the horrors of junior high. What’s even more disheartening is that they’re parenting the next generation.
Confessional #25753533: I hope the “mean girl moms” understand how small they make me feel when they ignore my presence. I wish they’d experience that embarrassment themselves and feel ashamed.
Confessional #24934233: Is it worse that they intentionally exclude me or that they simply don’t consider me at all? Mean girls in their 30s—what a concept!
Confessional #25818602: As adults, we can still feel the sting of mean girl behavior—being excluded, overlooked, or discovering they’re gossiping about us behind our backs. It hurts just as much now as it did back then.
Confessional #25818602: I’ve cut out all my toxic, drama-filled friends. I’m tired of feeling drained after spending time with them. We’re in our 50s and 60s, yet they still act like high school girls. The mean girl mentality never really disappears!
Confessional #25761423: I’m relieved that some of my female co-workers are now avoiding me. They’re mean girls, and I didn’t enjoy being associated with them. I see it as a win.
Confessional #23864674: I had a friend who sent out a mass email featuring an embarrassing photo of a fellow mom in our group. Mean girls don’t just exist in high school; I cut ties with her and am better off without those ‘friends’.
Confessional #25817822: Ultimately, the best course of action is to distance ourselves from mean girls. It can be challenging, but if you can remove these negative influences from your life—even if it means your social circle shrinks—you’ll be better off.
Confessional #25791392: The worst situation is being related to mean girls, whether by blood or marriage. You may still have to interact with them during holidays and carry the emotional weight of how they affected your upbringing. Use that pain as motivation to raise kinder children.
Confessional #25788028: My first encounter with a mean girl was as a child raised by a narcissistic mother. School was the least of my concerns. I envied those who looked forward to going home at the end of the day.
Confessional #25592145: Beneath her sweet and humble exterior, my sister-in-law is a self-satisfied, covert narcissist—she’s a mean girl bully. Her catty behavior has convinced me I’m the “bitch” in this scenario, much like my own sister.
Confessional #23959025: The most painful experiences occur when mean girls target your children. You want to let them navigate these situations independently, just as you did, but it’s hard to resist the urge to protect them from such cruelty.
Confessional #25751684: Today, I learned my daughter is not only acting like a mean girl but also bullying others. Where did I go wrong? My heart is shattered; I never expected this behavior from her.
Confessional #25470050: I just discovered that my 11-year-old daughter has been acting like a mean girl at camp. How did this happen? I raised her to be better than that, and I feel sick about it.
We cannot assume our kids are immune to mean girl behavior. Even with our best efforts, they can fall into this culture. It’s essential to discuss bullying with them, understand their friendships, observe their interactions, and ensure they are kind and inclusive.
The harsh reality is that mean girls aren’t going anywhere. They’ll grow up, remain mean, and continue the legacy of creating more mean girls. It’s our responsibility to ensure that our kids are not part of this cycle but instead have the courage to stand up against bullies. We must talk to our daughters about how to be upstanders, not bystanders.
As parents, we must combat the mean girl culture. All of our children deserve better.
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In summary, mean girl behavior doesn’t just end in adolescence; it can persist into adulthood and affect our children too. As parents, we must actively teach our kids about kindness and inclusivity to break this cycle.