Parenting
From The Confessional: Many Moms Experience a Sexless Marriage
by Sarah Blake
Updated: November 6, 2020
Originally Published: November 1, 2020
Sexless marriages — whether by choice or circumstance — are surprisingly common among mothers who share their stories. The reality is that even if you’ve opted out of intimacy or have become comfortable with the absence of it, you’re still missing out on the benefits that come with a physical connection. Engaging in sexual activity releases oxytocin, a hormone that fosters feelings of love, emotional bonding, and overall happiness.
In a blissful yet sexless marriage, you might cherish your partner deeply and feel content. But the facts about intimacy are hard to ignore. Beyond the emotional benefits, sex can be a lot of fun. It’s free, enjoyable (or it should be), and can foster closeness with your partner. Yet many moms are not experiencing this.
“I’m in my 30’s with four kids, and I feel more confident in my body than ever. My sex drive is off the charts! But here I am, stuck in a sexless marriage! Ugh! Trying to change this is taking forever. I want to explore my desires!”
— Confessional #25797886
“My interest in my 16-year-old daughter’s new relationship probably isn’t normal. I miss romance. After 24 years of marriage, we’ve been sexless for nearly a year due to a breast cancer diagnosis. It’s frustrating.”
— Confessional #25795590
“My husband and I are both in a sexless marriage, but only one of us is truly missing out on intimacy— and it’s not me. Life’s too short to endure a relationship devoid of passion.”
— Confessional #25785141
For some, being in a sexless relationship can ignite the desire to seek fulfillment outside the marriage when the choice isn’t theirs.
“I have a crush on my co-worker. I’m in a loving but sexless marriage, and this crush is stressing me out. He’s kind to me, but I feel unattractive, so I doubt it’s mutual.”
— Confessional #25803282
“I can only pleasure myself; I’ve never had an orgasm from sex. In a sexless marriage now, and self-satisfaction just doesn’t cut it. At 30, I’m too young to give up on intimacy!”
— Confessional #25775428
“I used to view cheating as a clear-cut issue. But now, in a loveless, sexless marriage, things feel different. I could leave, but we have young kids, and he’s not a horrible partner, so I fear judgment.”
— Confessional #25773786
For parents, finding the time (and energy) for intimacy can be incredibly challenging. Mornings can lead to interruptions by kids, while nighttime often leaves parents too exhausted to connect. Or, like many mothers, nighttime may be the only time for personal recharge and solitude.
“I fantasize about moving to a quiet, clean home and having a thrilling relationship with my friendly, affectionate neighbor who knows how to rock my world. How do I tell the difference between hope and delusion?”
— Confessional #25758138
“I’d be okay with my husband seeking his sexual satisfaction elsewhere. I have no interest in sex due to depression and hormonal issues, but I know he’d be upset if I suggested that, so we both suffer.”
— Confessional #25761033
“Even though my post-baby body isn’t perfect, I’ve lost weight and feel more confident at 31 than I did at 21. Yet, I’m trapped in a loveless, sexless marriage and feel like I’m squandering my confidence and desire!”
— Confessional #25753784
Sometimes, neither partner is good at initiating intimacy. After a long time, many mothers in our confessional admit it’s hard to remember how to rekindle romance.
“I love my husband, but I despise being in a sexless marriage. Even worse, it seems like the burden to fix this falls solely on me. He doesn’t seem to care about our lack of intimacy. Fantastic.”
— Confessional #25752474
“I’m going back on the Pill just to suppress my sex drive. Being in a sexless marriage and looking for alternatives didn’t pan out. Men over 40 aren’t as sexually driven as they’re made out to be. I’m deeply frustrated and can’t continue like this.”
— Confessional #25248648
“I’m staying in a sexless marriage because, despite my strong desire for intimacy, I rationally believe it’s not worth sacrificing the 90% of our marriage that functions well just to pursue divorce. Yet I yearn for my partner’s affection…”
— Confessional #25203122
There are many reasons for sexless marriages; sometimes, a new romance can ignite sexual desires. However, once that ‘newness’ fades, it can be challenging to revive the spark. Aging can also diminish sexual desire, as noted by Psychology Today. Still, sexual experiences can be just as fulfilling, regardless of age.
“My husband and I were in a sexless marriage (on his end). After a heated argument and an ultimatum from me, we now have scheduled sex on Wednesdays and Saturdays—no exceptions unless one of us is sick. He’s noticed my happiness improving after just two months and is actually starting to desire intimacy.”
— Confessional #24606619
“My husband only wants to discuss his job. He avoids talking about our sexless marriage and the other issues in our relationship. It makes me wonder where he’s directing the attention he used to give me.”
— Confessional #24063990
“After a major fight about our sexless marriage, I told him we need to either schedule sex, open our marriage, or get a divorce. He was upset but agreed to a schedule. A week in, and we’re already feeling happier.”
— Confessional #23265130
Ultimately, if you find yourself in a sexless marriage and long for change, seek a compromise that works for both partners. If that compromise involves engaging physically, well, good for you! Enjoy.
For more insights into navigating relationships, check out this related blog post on home insemination. If you’re looking for authoritative information on this topic, visit Intracervical Insemination. For an excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination, check out Healthline.
Summary:
Many mothers find themselves in sexless marriages, whether by choice or circumstance. The emotional and physical implications of a lack of intimacy can lead to feelings of frustration and desire for change. Engaging in intimate relationships is essential for emotional well-being, but many mothers struggle with time, energy, and the complexities of parenting. Seeking compromises and open communication with partners can help address these issues.